Are you always scared of getting into trouble?
Do you live in constant fear of others being angry or cross with you? Are you scared to stand up for yourself for fear of bringing others' wrath down upon you?
Dear Fellow DoNM, (Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers)
It totally sucks, doesn't it?
Constantly having a fear of getting into trouble and having others cross or angry with you ... living in terror of standing up for yourself in case others disapprove of you ... always living with the danger of others' attacks r(or the fear of them at least).
Does this resonate with you?
If so, you need to know that it's NOT your fault. It isn't a flaw or weakness in you. It's just that she trained you so well, from birth, to be scared, and your body and mind have learned that anger and attack can come from any direction at any time. The fear is an automatic reaction now.
The good news is that it doesn't have to continue to be this way!
In fact, this might be the important information you've ever read, because I'm about to share with you a secret way of literally erasing this fear of getting into trouble from your body and mind.
Imagine what it would be like to:
1. No longer have any fear of getting into trouble.
2. Be able to be calm if others are angry with you
3. Be very centred and calm when you speak your truth.
4. No longer have to worry about others' reactions to you.
It would be wonderful, wouldn't it! Imagine the sheer bliss of it.
Well you don't just have to imagine it. You can live it. Read on to find out how.
So what is this secret which can free you from this fear of gettinginto trouble?
The solution is EFT, also called Tapping. It involves nothing more complex than tapping gently on acupuncture points, and it literally erases negative emotions such as the hurt and pain you're experiencing.
And it does that amazingly quickly and easily. Just zaps the hurt and pain into oblivion. It's hard to describe it until you've experienced it - the negative emotions just fade away till they're completely and utterly gone! Vanished, eradicated and non-existent.
What EFT is NOT:
It is NOT talk-therapy. Although there is usually an element of talking, it is really body-work with a talking element, rather than just talking.
It is NOT hypnosis. Although you might find it relaxing, you do not go into any kind of hypnotic trance.
It is NOT faith-healing. You absolutely do not have to believe it for it to work. You can be as sceptical as you like.
It is NOT in any way religious. There is no belief system whatsoever needed.
How EFT is different from traditional counselling:
It makes changes at a much deeper level. Did you ever know something rationally, but not know it deep down? With EFT you experience the acceptance and peace deep down, in your gut and heart and soul, not just as an abstract theory.
It's much, much quicker. Changes that used to take months of therapy can now happen in tens of minutes, or hours at most.
It's much gentler - you can even heal your issue without talking or even thinking about it - you just give it a title or label, and work on that until it's easy to think/talk about.
It's much cheaper: as it's so much quicker, it costs so much less.
Quite frankly, EFT makes traditional counselling obsolete. Why just talk about it when you can heal it?
I came to EFT when I was trying to heal what I now know is the DONM legacy, and I was blown away by the results. It changed my life, literally. I erased issue after issue after issue (traumas, addictions, phobias, limiting beliefs and other blocks), and life just kept getting better and better in terms of better health, better relationships and more joy and contentment in my life. (And I am still using EFT every day, and improving my life every day.)
I then trained as an EFT practitioner - because I knew this was too good to keep to myself, and have helped hundreds of clients over the past seven years to erase phobias, traumas, anxiety and a myriad of other issues. You can see some of the non-DONM feedback here.
As soon as I realised about the unique crazy-making upbringing we DONMs have, I knew that EFT could powerfully resolve these issues quickly and easily. This is why I share, on this site, a video on how to do EFT so you can use it for yourself. The resource is very real and very good, but the challenge is that usually people find it very difficult to know what to say as they tap. And so I have come up with a solution I'm very excited about:
I have created a script in which I guide you
as you tap on this fear of getting into trouble and gently erase it.
This script is very carefully crafted, using my many years of EFT experience combined with my lifetime of DONM experience, to give you a resource which will quite simply erase this fear.
This resourse is unique in the world - created by a DONM for DONMs, addressing the unique issues our crazy upbringing has given us.
Here some comments from DONM forum members who have benefited from their experiences with EFT:
Eating Healthily!
Just checked my food diary and was amazed to see that I didn't eat anything for 2 hours after tapping [The 'Self-Harm' video] - wow! And what I did eat was a cheese and tomato croissant followed 2½ hours later by some mushroom soup.
So I'm seeing results already!
As the results of my neglect [i.e. her business sabotage] became clear today, I had the urge to commit more neglect. I found myself reaching for the mouse to [waste time on the internet] and I checked a couple of news sites about four times. I decided if I was going to do something other than work than it would be EFT. So, I did the self-harm session and then the healing resistance video. While I still felt really disappointed, I got back to work.
Forum Member 'Christine'
The most productive day yet since doing the Tapping!
I think today was probably the most productive day since the beginning of EFT. I did the healing resistance first today and then the self-harm sessions. The huge difference is that [the fallout from her business neglect] would have been proof of my “incompetence” two weeks ago. Today it was “what can I do to mitigate the fallout.”
Forum Member 'Christine'
Used EFT to avoid displacement activities and do the work!
Well, the marketing email is done and queued up to go out at 9:00 am. I stopped in the middle of the process and did and EFT session on hiding. I just wanted to go to the dog park or do something else completely. I had plenty of opportunities to run away so I thought a good session in the middle of it all would help. I think it did. I got some writing done as well.
Forum Member 'Christine', who had been sabotaging by not doing her marketing.)
A superb script!
The script is absolutely ideal for this self-harm/DoNM stuff! It's specific enough to target this particular phenomenon, but broad enough for each person to apply to her own particular penchant for self-harm/neglect/punishment. A superb job, Danu; thank you so much!
Forum Member 'Alex'
This is done in the form of a diary entry by forum member 'Reader'.
Got taken on by an agency after Tapping!
EFT for five days in a row
Feel confident enough to finally apply to a professional talent agency
Get signed with an agency within the hour
Have a complete DoNM-style FREAK OUT that I suck at everything and who the hell do I think I am signing with an agent?
Make the conscious choice to ignore the inner demons and go back to EFT
A few days of calm
Sign up for multiple auditions and become absolutely shameless about self promotion
Have another major FREAK OUT and think I suck at everything
More EFT
I'm currently in a calm place where I still hear the inner voices telling me I suck, but I am making the conscious choice to tap-tap-tap when I feel that anxiety and proceed anyway.
I've also been writing like mad and have plans to push my writing to a literary agency. Feeling major anxiety around that, too, but screw it. Back to EFT. Gonna do it. Life is short.
So this is amazing stuff.
Forum Member 'Reader'
I have practiced EFT for over seven years, TFT for four years and cognitive therapy for almost thirty. Both of my parents are card-carrying narcissists and I bore the brunt of this madness and my mother, especially, was diabolical. What I realized is that no one directly deals with the feelings that any child of a narcissist has because few understand it. So when I used EFT myself I got close but never was able to address the issues that you cover because even I didn't understand what I was feeling.
I have the manuals but I prefer to watch you on the video because you are such a comforting presence, I don't have to feel alone and you have such a beautiful voice.
The first video I tapped along to ("Self-Punishment") I felt so good- and then suddenly craved a box of See's candy. I was shocked because I used to have a severe craving for See's that I had dealt with before and hadn't eaten in years. However, sitting and tapping through the feelings, the craving went away completely- and I knew I was on the right track. At first, I thought that the "Self-Punishment" video wasn't about me because my (and probably others') issues have long been ignored or misidentified - yet it was! I have been punishing myself all of my life through overeating, self-denial, self-sabotage, you name it. Tears came up while I was tapping but they were cleansing because I was, at last, hearing the truth.
I've only had three of your videos ("I Never Belong", "Self-Punishment", "Not Safe to Heal") as well as all of the PDF's. I repeat the "7 Words" all the time and I find them quite comforting to say. I especially like the fact that you've included the positive "Choices" in your videos because I need to know where to go next. I find myself ending the session with a smile.
When I used them the first day, I couldn't believe your words- they felt too foreign even after all of this therapy. However, five days later, I'm nodding my head in agreement as I do my tapping. Interestingly, I have had a much easier time creating healthier boundaries and making healing choices, which is something I wouldn't have expected. Hearing the truth in a non-combative manner, from someone who finally understands me, is like a balm to my heart, mind and soul.
I know through using EFT for so long that specificity is crucial. Yet, I found myself "dancing" around the issue of narcissism because I had never identified it- and nor had anyone else. I have thousands of pages downloaded from Gary Craig's [EFT's founder] original site, not to mention the hundreds of dollars I've wasted on EFT practitioners. The "elephant in the living room" was always missing, so while I found some success I was always just "missing the mark". When I watched your first video, many feelings came up, but mainly recognition. I nodded my head and smiled through the tears as I tapped and thought, "Somebody finally understands me!". My inner child has longed to hear the words that you use in the videos all of my life and I find repeated listening extremely calming and reassuring.
I know that you had worked hard on the wording because I recognize the various techniques that you use. The "art of delivery" comes in- not with the techniques- but the application of them. Most beginners of EFT get stuck with "What do I say?" and you resolve that here beautifully.
So, thank you and I will be eager to buy more!
This is a long message (sorry). But in one week, I am sleeping so much better. I am eating like a "normie" which I haven't done since childhood. And I am finally back in my own body. These are true miracles to me- and I haven't been in therapy in weeks!
Each session seems to bring me closer to my subconscious and has more meaning every time. I do it once a day as I find it quite intense. I'm starting to insert my own words while following the videos. My old unbidden thought patterns, “I have never done anything right, I do not deserve to be happy, I am worthless etc. etc.” are now being countered by other thoughts, “I am a human equal to all humans and have only done my best, I deserve to be happy, I have done good things in my life etc etc.” I am taking better care of myself after about a week or so. I feel that just taking a step towards improving self care is a positive thing.
Maybe after the 30 days Danu says is a must, I'll be able to alter the tapping more to my specific issues, but for now, the videos are really helping. So much easier than dragging up awful buried memories, painfully dissecting them, coming to terms and moving on! Weeks instead of years. Awesome!
Forum Member 'Survivor'
