Love Quotes: The Wisest, Wittiest . . . and Most Cynical | Psychology Today
Love is for fools wise enough to take a chance. ~ Anonymous
Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving devices the world has ever seen. ~ Anonymous
Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache. ~ Mae West
Love is a many splintered thing. ~ Proverb
Love and eggs are best when they are fresh. ~ Proverb
Love makes the time pass. Time makes love pass. ~ Proverb
Love is like dew that falls on both nettles and lilies. ~ Proverb
Love and relationships are truly one of the most paradoxical aspects of being human. For it is in love
that we find the greatest of strengths and the deepest of sorrows. Love can seem to be so fleeting and unachievable, yet it remains well within our reach if we only learn how to embrace its power. To experience true love, we must be willing to open ourselves up and sacrifice part of our heart and part of our soul. We must be willing to give of ourselves freely, and we must be willing to suffer. It is only when we expose our inner selves to the white hot flame of rejection, that love can burn so brightly as to join to souls, melding the two into one, creating a bond that joins forever. It is from this bond that we draw strength eternal and power everlasting. It is in this thing that we call love that we find the means to achieve greatness, both in ourselves and in our lives. ~ Anonymous
In this world of extremes, we can only love too little. ~ Rich Cannarella
Love is the word used to label the sexual excitement of the young, the habituation of the middle-aged, and the mutual dependence of the old. ~ John Ciardi
Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination. ~ Voltaire
If there is anything better than to be loved it is loving. ~ Anonymous
Love built on beauty, soon as beauty, dies. ~ John Donne
He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals. ~ Benjamin Franklin
I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love. ~ Henry Ward Beecher
We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness, and call it love. ~ Anonymous
No one has ever loved anyone the way everyone wants to be loved. ~ Mignon McLaughlin
The one who loves less controls the relationship. ~ Anonymous
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? ~ Anonymous [frankly, I'm guessing that whoever came up with this one probably pleaded not to be identified!]
True love is when you put someone on a pedestal, and they fall--but you are there to catch them. ~ Anonymous
The woman cries before the wedding, the man after. ~ Proverb
Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, Pain of love lasts a lifetime. ~Jean Pierre Claris De Florian
Love won't be tampered with, love won't go away. Push it to one side and it creeps to the other. ~ Louise Erdrich
There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started out with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet which fails so regularly, as love. ~ Erich Fromm
The love we give away is the only love we keep. ~ Elbert Hubbard
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more. ~ Erica Jong
We are not the same person this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person. ~ W. Somerset Maugham
Romantic love is an illusion. Most of us discover this truth at the end of a love affair or else when the sweet emotions of love lead us into marriage and then turn down their flames. ~ Thomas Moore
Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common-sense. ~ Helen Rowland
Falling in love is so hard on the knees. ~ Aerosmith
Love isn't blind, it's retarded. ~ Don Foster & Susan Beavers
Love sought is good, but given unsought, is better. ~ William Shakespeare
There is no remedy for love but to love more. ~ Henry David Thoreau
When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one's self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. ~ Oscar Wilde
In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~ Janos Arany
Love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared with love in dreams. ~ Fyodor Dostoevski
You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. ~ Dr Seuss
After another moment's silence, she mumbled that I was peculiar, that that was probably why she loved me but that one day I might disgust her for the very same reason. ~ Albert Camus
The excesses of love soon pass, but its insufficiencies torment us forever. ~ Mignon McLaughlin
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Saturday, March 12, 2011
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Friday, March 4, 2011
Is your friendship worth keeping?
Is your friendship worth keeping?
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Is your friendship worth keeping?
75An insight into toxic friendships between women
We meet all different types of people throughout our lifetime. Some say these people come into your life for a reason, regardless of a negative or positive influence. As an empathetic person, I’ve had a lot of so called “friendships” which prey on my incessant need to wear my heart on my sleeve and inevitably drain the life out of me. Some of my friendships with other women have been tumultuous, dramatic, and even heartbreaking. It always amazes me how quickly a friend can lose trust they’ve attempted to build for years. If you’ve stumbled upon this article by happenstance, or searched for advice in the quest for the reason why you always attract dramatic and stressful friends- you’ve come to the right place.
The purpose of this article is to share with all of you the knowledge I’ve learned through the years. My advice is only meant for friendships between females; the male-female friendship is a different blog entirely. Unfortunately there are too many people in this world that take advantage of others, and although you may know this person is toxic to your life, you still keep taking their abuse and hoping things will get better. If you have ever asked yourself why you continue a friendship with this person, read carefully and see if she falls into the following categories.
The Tattletale
At some point in your life you meet a girl who seems nice at the surface. She could be pretty, popular, or even extremely outgoing. If you’ve never been backstabbed before, you may even let her know personal things about you that you’ve never told anyone else. Whether your confessions were “in the moment” or just plain temporary insanity; saying “I’ve never told anyone else this” is music to their ears. Nothing is better to a tattletale than knowing something about you that’s extremely embarrassing and using it against you in an argument or announcing it to other friends or even strangers. If you’re smart, you’ll realize that you can never tell her something so personal again and disconnect all ties with “the tattletale.” Unfortunately, more often than not you become friends again even if no apology is given.
The tattletale is particularly dangerous because if she’s turned her back on you once she’s most likely to do it again. If you have a tattletale friend and you chose to keep your friendship, be advised that you can never fully open up to her and show her who you really are. Most importantly, DON’T LET HER KNOW ANYTHING PERSONAL that can be used against you.
The Gossiper
Like the Tattletale, the gossiper also can take you by surprise. Ever have a friend that loves to tell you dirt on other people? Sure, you might secretly enjoy it, but have you ever thought about what she tells other people about you? Have you ever been shocked when you heard what was said about you- most often falsified, outlandish or completely exaggerated? Let me warn you, you do NOT in ANY way need this particular type of friend. You will be unable to trust her, or even feel that you can vent your frustrations in confidence. The Gossiper THRIVES on information, and loves to know the “dirt” or “juice” on other people. These girls LIVE for this information. If you want to keep your friendship with her, make absolute sure that you never comment when she is talking about someone else. More often than not, the she said she said rumors get started, and once the gossiper starts she will never stop or admit her mistakes and false statements.
The Fair-weather Friend
A Fair-weather Friend is someone who is only around when she’s not in a relationship. Once she meets a man, she’ll stop taking your calls and avoid making any plans. Most often, you will hear from them again when they have relationship problems or have broken up with their boyfriend. Fair-weather friends are commonly around during high school years, but some women never grow out of this habit. As we get older, we get less and less tolerant of this immature behavior and begin to expect this pattern from your Fair-weather friend. In this case, it’s truly up to you whether or not this person is worth continuing a friendship with.
The Mooch
The Mooch is someone who only uses you for what she deems necessary. This can range from borrowing money, clothes or other possessions, to using you for a ride or picking her up after she tells you a sob story. We all have had a few of these types of “friends”, and inevitably they will drain the life out of you. The Mooch will not commonly ask you directly for things, but she will allude to the fact she needs money to buy clothes or food, or that she’s stuck somewhere “dangerous” and can’t get a ride home. DO NOT EVER fall for this girl’s BS. DO NOT EVER loan her money. My father once told me “Never loan anyone more than $20, no matter how well you know them.” I have found this advice to be true, and wish to this day I had listened to him at a younger age.
If you “loan” her money, NEVER expect to get it back. Knowing this of course means that you can’t get upset if she decides to spend the money she does get on her own for her hair, nails, drug of choice, or other frivolous things. If you loan her any of your possessions, don’t expect to get them back. If she does return them, they will either not be in the same condition or she will put up a fight and practically make you stalk her to get it back. STAY FAR AWAY FROM THE MOOCH!! Nothing good can ever come from a friendship with this type of person. You will end up resenting yourself for putting up with her crap for so long!
The One-Way Friendship
The One-Way Friendship is a variation of The Mooch and an easy one to define. Frankly stated, you are her friend but she is not your friend. Have you ever been woken up in the middle of the night to your friend crying her eyes out saying “I need to talk to you” and you listened no matter what was planned the next day (not that she asks you of course)? She will interrupt you at any time of the day or night with some type of crisis, completely oblivious to your life. You listen intently to try and give the best advice possible knowing that she most likely won’t listen to you anyway, yet when you try and call her about a problem you’re having she’s “too busy” or “distracted” or “will call you back later”?
If you chose to remain friends with this person, understand that she is not the person you can turn to when you have a problem. She is so concerned about herself and her life that she knows practically nothing about you. When you try to open up about yourself, she turns the conversation to herself and instead of helping she’s more concerned about her own life. This type of friendship forces you to lose a lot of sleep and gain even more frustration. However, the best part about a One-Way Friendship is that since she knows practically nothing about you, there is nothing she can use against you.
The Drama Queen
The type of friendship requires very little explanation. This girl needs to be the center of attention ALL the time, even at other people’s birthday parties or special events. Much like the One-Way Friendship, the Drama Queen will turn every single day into some dramatic extravagant crisis. She will frequently get in arguments with random people, and even start arguments with you which blow up to an insanely dramatic climax and extremely unpleasant downfall. The Drama Queen will make absolutely everything about her, and will make it clear that if you do not give her the proper attention she will do something, anything, to get your attention and the attention of others.
Some people think we need a little drama in our lives. If you chose to stay friends with The Drama Queen, stay out of her way, give her the attention she needs, and accept her the way she is. There is nothing you can do to change her ways; just don’t get caught up in her drama- it will only lead to a bad ending.
So… do you really have a good friendship?
If you have read through this article and find you’re surrounded by these types of friendships, reevaluate who you’re hanging out with and decide once and for all if they’re worth your time and effort. Several times in my life I’ve had “friends” who have caused me so much heartache and pain that it was difficult to trust ANYONE else. These girls didn’t hesitate to stab me in the back for personal gain, and moved on with their lives like nothing happened so they could destroy someone else’s life.
The type of friendship worth keeping relies on mutual trust and understanding. You need someone who listens to your concerns and you listen to theirs. Hanging out together is fun instead of dramatic and overwhelming. True friends treat you with the same respect you treat them, and you shouldn’t be giving out more of yourself than she is. A true friend knows and respects who you are as a person, and even if they live in another state, no matter how much time goes by you can pick up where you left off.
But the question still remains…
Why do I attract these types of people to my life?
For me, the answer is simple. I’m a stay at home mom with few friends from my school years. The friends I do have, I have put up with more of their crap than necessary. Simply put, I thought I would rather have some friends than none at all. That’s when I came to the realization that I prefer to be alone than have to deal with all the ridiculous drama and unnecessary situations these girls put me through.
Just because you surround yourself with these types of people does not mean you’re a loser or an idiot. Unfortunately, when someone sees it’s easy to take advantage of someone else then they often will. For example, have you ever found yourself constantly giving a friend money because they complain incessantly about being hungry, not having clothes, etc… but never once do they offer to buy you so much as a coffee? You give in to her whining and complaining just like she knows you will, and finally it gets to the point where you don’t expect any reciprocation. DO NOT DO THIS TO YOURSELF!! You are too good of a person to put yourself through all of this BS. If you find yourself thinning out your friends fairly quickly, please remember there are other ways to meet people. I have met some of my good friends online through blog writing, moms groups and even facebook games. They are from all over the world with different perspectives and even though they are not physically someone to hang out with, each and every one of them is someone I can turn to for advice.
Bottom line girls, take a good look at the types of people that are around you and use this guide to help. If you do not want to cut ties for fear of losing friends, then just remember to keep your distance from telling her your personal problems.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
GUYS THAT WILL SUCK and make your Life Miserable - STEER CLEAR OF THESE GUYS ("men")
AVOID THESE TYPES OF GUYS (Men - some never grow up, so "man" is a loose term - you know
that's why you're reading this)
• The guy can't look you in the eyes. He's full of Lies.
• The guy who doesn't come to your door or pick you up for dates. He waits. Or expects you to drive and meet him out. A dolt with no manners, and not worth your time.
• A guy expecting you to split the tab or pay the whole thing. Total parasite, cheap skate, selfish, and everything you'll be disgusted by every time you go out. Drop him.
• A man who starts borrowing money .. Wait, quit him before he starts. Buh Bye.
• A man who tells you lies, white lies, little lies, half truths and "stories" that don't add up. Also, omissions of truth, or pertinent information.
• A man who stares at other women in your company, flirts with them or has the cheek to take someone else’s number while out with you (he’s a lout, get rid of him yesterday already!) DUH, hopefully that turns you off. If it doesn't, you've got serious self worth issues, and the next guy is bound to be one of these ya need to toss to the ditch as well.
• A man who has shaky boundaries and who doesn’t respect yours (he will want enmeshment and will only suffocate you)
• A man who expects you to fight his battles for him or cover for him when he messes up (he has no balls, which means he’ll never be able to protect you) They're usually the ones who talk it up .. "I'll do anything for you baby". "I'm here for you always" "You are safe with me, I'll protect you" ... talk is cheap, actions, not words. Don't tell me, show me, otherwise beat feet the other way.
• A man who drinks excessively or whose behavior changes when he consumes alcohol (watch out, alcoholic!!!)
A man who thinks Beavis and Butthead are funny enough to imitate when y'all are out and among your friends or family...
• A man who seems to be hiding things from you or seems cagey when you question him about certain things (not to be trusted)
• A man who doesn’t appear to have strong family ties or doesn’t feel that family should be important (loose cannon only looking for casual sex, parties and a good time)
• A man who dislikes children (if you are thinking of having a family) Or pretends to like them but when around them, dismisses or shows intolerance of their presence.
• A man who is overbearing or threatened by your strength, opinions or career (he will try to cut you down whenever he feels threatened) Or your personality, looks, brains, whatever it is, if he is threatened by it, or diminishes those things, belittles, invalidates, takes away from those great things you have to offer----GET OUT -- He WILL be increasingly abusive, and you will be in a toxic wasteland, not a relationship.
• A man who is threatened by your passions & ideals (he’ll try to suppress you) Same as above, RUN, get out and don't look back. He is toxic. You will be infected and constantly fighting the poison he spews into your landfill of a "relationship"
• A man who discourages you from seeing your family or friends (insecure lout, run a mile!)
• A man who is threatened by your friendships or ex’s (insecure lout, keep running!)
• An unemployed man or a man with financial problems (he may end up expecting you to pay for everything)
• A man who cannot stand up for himself (he may expect you to fight his battles for him)
The "nice guy" syndrome. You get to hear the whining and smack talk, but see him buckle and bend in front of those he can't say no or stand up to. ( mothers, sisters, ex-wives, friends, clients, kids etc.)
• A divorced man who doesn’t pay child-support to his ex or doesn’t see his children regularly (doh, need I say more???)
• An unhygienic man with bad breath or bad body odour (you’ll have mother him)
• A man who doesn’t return your calls but waits a week or two to call you back (you’re on his “good time only” list)
• A man who talks about himself and doesn’t bother to ask questions about you, your family or your interests (egotistical)
• Any man you suspect of abusing any substances (run a mile)
• A recovering addict or alcoholic (they should avoid all forms of romantic relationships for at least the first year of their sobriety) Make that 2 or 3 years. IF at all. Some can finally drop the substance, but not the "thinking problem" they had with it. "Dry drunks" are worse than the ones who finally drink themselves out cold.
• A man who is too attached to his mother (you’ll be trying to cut the umbilical cord for the rest of the relationship!) We always think a guy who loves his mom is a good thing, it is, but there's a difference. Being a good son with respect for and a high regard for his mom is cool. If they talk EVERY day, socialize more than for just special occasions and holidays, or tells her everything like you tell your best friend, GET OUT. She will always undermine you, and you will always be second to her. Yes, it's creepy, but it doesn't seem that way until you're close and in the relationship, and then you'll wish you got in with the Addams Family.. Less creepy.
• A man who hates his mother (all his mommy issues will be targeted at you!)
Overtly or passive aggressively. Hopefully you've learned how to detect passive aggressive personalities--- Whether men or women, you'll know that these people in any type of relationship are toxic to the energy of the universe. Call Hazmat and steer clear.
( Would you rather be slapped in the face, or stabbed in the back.) Right, you don't want either, but you are guaranteed a knife in your back, so turn around and stay away, period.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
The Constant Fear Is Not Our Fault
18 January 2011
Are you always scared of getting into trouble?
Do you live in constant fear of others being angry or cross with you? Are you scared to stand up for yourself for fear of bringing others' wrath down upon you?
Dear Fellow DoNM, (Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers)
It totally sucks, doesn't it?
Constantly having a fear of getting into trouble and having others cross or angry with you ... living in terror of standing up for yourself in case others disapprove of you ... always living with the danger of others' attacks r(or the fear of them at least).
Does this resonate with you?
If so, you need to know that it's NOT your fault. It isn't a flaw or weakness in you. It's just that she trained you so well, from birth, to be scared, and your body and mind have learned that anger and attack can come from any direction at any time. The fear is an automatic reaction now.
The good news is that it doesn't have to continue to be this way!
In fact, this might be the important information you've ever read, because I'm about to share with you a secret way of literally erasing this fear of getting into trouble from your body and mind.
Imagine what it would be like to:
1. No longer have any fear of getting into trouble.
2. Be able to be calm if others are angry with you
3. Be very centred and calm when you speak your truth.
4. No longer have to worry about others' reactions to you.
It would be wonderful, wouldn't it! Imagine the sheer bliss of it.
Well you don't just have to imagine it. You can live it. Read on to find out how.
So what is this secret which can free you from this fear of gettinginto trouble?
The solution is EFT, also called Tapping. It involves nothing more complex than tapping gently on acupuncture points, and it literally erases negative emotions such as the hurt and pain you're experiencing.
And it does that amazingly quickly and easily. Just zaps the hurt and pain into oblivion. It's hard to describe it until you've experienced it - the negative emotions just fade away till they're completely and utterly gone! Vanished, eradicated and non-existent.
What EFT is NOT:
It is NOT talk-therapy. Although there is usually an element of talking, it is really body-work with a talking element, rather than just talking.
It is NOT hypnosis. Although you might find it relaxing, you do not go into any kind of hypnotic trance.
It is NOT faith-healing. You absolutely do not have to believe it for it to work. You can be as sceptical as you like.
It is NOT in any way religious. There is no belief system whatsoever needed.
How EFT is different from traditional counselling:
It makes changes at a much deeper level. Did you ever know something rationally, but not know it deep down? With EFT you experience the acceptance and peace deep down, in your gut and heart and soul, not just as an abstract theory.
It's much, much quicker. Changes that used to take months of therapy can now happen in tens of minutes, or hours at most.
It's much gentler - you can even heal your issue without talking or even thinking about it - you just give it a title or label, and work on that until it's easy to think/talk about.
It's much cheaper: as it's so much quicker, it costs so much less.
Quite frankly, EFT makes traditional counselling obsolete. Why just talk about it when you can heal it?
I came to EFT when I was trying to heal what I now know is the DONM legacy, and I was blown away by the results. It changed my life, literally. I erased issue after issue after issue (traumas, addictions, phobias, limiting beliefs and other blocks), and life just kept getting better and better in terms of better health, better relationships and more joy and contentment in my life. (And I am still using EFT every day, and improving my life every day.)
I then trained as an EFT practitioner - because I knew this was too good to keep to myself, and have helped hundreds of clients over the past seven years to erase phobias, traumas, anxiety and a myriad of other issues. You can see some of the non-DONM feedback here.
As soon as I realised about the unique crazy-making upbringing we DONMs have, I knew that EFT could powerfully resolve these issues quickly and easily. This is why I share, on this site, a video on how to do EFT so you can use it for yourself. The resource is very real and very good, but the challenge is that usually people find it very difficult to know what to say as they tap. And so I have come up with a solution I'm very excited about:
I have created a script in which I guide you
as you tap on this fear of getting into trouble and gently erase it.
This script is very carefully crafted, using my many years of EFT experience combined with my lifetime of DONM experience, to give you a resource which will quite simply erase this fear.
This resourse is unique in the world - created by a DONM for DONMs, addressing the unique issues our crazy upbringing has given us.
Here some comments from DONM forum members who have benefited from their experiences with EFT:
Eating Healthily!
Just checked my food diary and was amazed to see that I didn't eat anything for 2 hours after tapping [The 'Self-Harm' video] - wow! And what I did eat was a cheese and tomato croissant followed 2½ hours later by some mushroom soup.
So I'm seeing results already!
As the results of my neglect [i.e. her business sabotage] became clear today, I had the urge to commit more neglect. I found myself reaching for the mouse to [waste time on the internet] and I checked a couple of news sites about four times. I decided if I was going to do something other than work than it would be EFT. So, I did the self-harm session and then the healing resistance video. While I still felt really disappointed, I got back to work.
Forum Member 'Christine'
The most productive day yet since doing the Tapping!
I think today was probably the most productive day since the beginning of EFT. I did the healing resistance first today and then the self-harm sessions. The huge difference is that [the fallout from her business neglect] would have been proof of my “incompetence” two weeks ago. Today it was “what can I do to mitigate the fallout.”
Forum Member 'Christine'
Used EFT to avoid displacement activities and do the work!
Well, the marketing email is done and queued up to go out at 9:00 am. I stopped in the middle of the process and did and EFT session on hiding. I just wanted to go to the dog park or do something else completely. I had plenty of opportunities to run away so I thought a good session in the middle of it all would help. I think it did. I got some writing done as well.
Forum Member 'Christine', who had been sabotaging by not doing her marketing.)
A superb script!
The script is absolutely ideal for this self-harm/DoNM stuff! It's specific enough to target this particular phenomenon, but broad enough for each person to apply to her own particular penchant for self-harm/neglect/punishment. A superb job, Danu; thank you so much!
Forum Member 'Alex'
This is done in the form of a diary entry by forum member 'Reader'.
Got taken on by an agency after Tapping!
EFT for five days in a row
Feel confident enough to finally apply to a professional talent agency
Get signed with an agency within the hour
Have a complete DoNM-style FREAK OUT that I suck at everything and who the hell do I think I am signing with an agent?
Make the conscious choice to ignore the inner demons and go back to EFT
A few days of calm
Sign up for multiple auditions and become absolutely shameless about self promotion
Have another major FREAK OUT and think I suck at everything
More EFT
I'm currently in a calm place where I still hear the inner voices telling me I suck, but I am making the conscious choice to tap-tap-tap when I feel that anxiety and proceed anyway.
I've also been writing like mad and have plans to push my writing to a literary agency. Feeling major anxiety around that, too, but screw it. Back to EFT. Gonna do it. Life is short.
So this is amazing stuff.
Forum Member 'Reader'
I have practiced EFT for over seven years, TFT for four years and cognitive therapy for almost thirty. Both of my parents are card-carrying narcissists and I bore the brunt of this madness and my mother, especially, was diabolical. What I realized is that no one directly deals with the feelings that any child of a narcissist has because few understand it. So when I used EFT myself I got close but never was able to address the issues that you cover because even I didn't understand what I was feeling.
I have the manuals but I prefer to watch you on the video because you are such a comforting presence, I don't have to feel alone and you have such a beautiful voice.
The first video I tapped along to ("Self-Punishment") I felt so good- and then suddenly craved a box of See's candy. I was shocked because I used to have a severe craving for See's that I had dealt with before and hadn't eaten in years. However, sitting and tapping through the feelings, the craving went away completely- and I knew I was on the right track. At first, I thought that the "Self-Punishment" video wasn't about me because my (and probably others') issues have long been ignored or misidentified - yet it was! I have been punishing myself all of my life through overeating, self-denial, self-sabotage, you name it. Tears came up while I was tapping but they were cleansing because I was, at last, hearing the truth.
I've only had three of your videos ("I Never Belong", "Self-Punishment", "Not Safe to Heal") as well as all of the PDF's. I repeat the "7 Words" all the time and I find them quite comforting to say. I especially like the fact that you've included the positive "Choices" in your videos because I need to know where to go next. I find myself ending the session with a smile.
When I used them the first day, I couldn't believe your words- they felt too foreign even after all of this therapy. However, five days later, I'm nodding my head in agreement as I do my tapping. Interestingly, I have had a much easier time creating healthier boundaries and making healing choices, which is something I wouldn't have expected. Hearing the truth in a non-combative manner, from someone who finally understands me, is like a balm to my heart, mind and soul.
I know through using EFT for so long that specificity is crucial. Yet, I found myself "dancing" around the issue of narcissism because I had never identified it- and nor had anyone else. I have thousands of pages downloaded from Gary Craig's [EFT's founder] original site, not to mention the hundreds of dollars I've wasted on EFT practitioners. The "elephant in the living room" was always missing, so while I found some success I was always just "missing the mark". When I watched your first video, many feelings came up, but mainly recognition. I nodded my head and smiled through the tears as I tapped and thought, "Somebody finally understands me!". My inner child has longed to hear the words that you use in the videos all of my life and I find repeated listening extremely calming and reassuring.
I know that you had worked hard on the wording because I recognize the various techniques that you use. The "art of delivery" comes in- not with the techniques- but the application of them. Most beginners of EFT get stuck with "What do I say?" and you resolve that here beautifully.
So, thank you and I will be eager to buy more!
This is a long message (sorry). But in one week, I am sleeping so much better. I am eating like a "normie" which I haven't done since childhood. And I am finally back in my own body. These are true miracles to me- and I haven't been in therapy in weeks!
Each session seems to bring me closer to my subconscious and has more meaning every time. I do it once a day as I find it quite intense. I'm starting to insert my own words while following the videos. My old unbidden thought patterns, “I have never done anything right, I do not deserve to be happy, I am worthless etc. etc.” are now being countered by other thoughts, “I am a human equal to all humans and have only done my best, I deserve to be happy, I have done good things in my life etc etc.” I am taking better care of myself after about a week or so. I feel that just taking a step towards improving self care is a positive thing.
Maybe after the 30 days Danu says is a must, I'll be able to alter the tapping more to my specific issues, but for now, the videos are really helping. So much easier than dragging up awful buried memories, painfully dissecting them, coming to terms and moving on! Weeks instead of years. Awesome!
Forum Member 'Survivor'
Are you always scared of getting into trouble?
Do you live in constant fear of others being angry or cross with you? Are you scared to stand up for yourself for fear of bringing others' wrath down upon you?
Dear Fellow DoNM, (Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers)
It totally sucks, doesn't it?
Constantly having a fear of getting into trouble and having others cross or angry with you ... living in terror of standing up for yourself in case others disapprove of you ... always living with the danger of others' attacks r(or the fear of them at least).
Does this resonate with you?
If so, you need to know that it's NOT your fault. It isn't a flaw or weakness in you. It's just that she trained you so well, from birth, to be scared, and your body and mind have learned that anger and attack can come from any direction at any time. The fear is an automatic reaction now.
The good news is that it doesn't have to continue to be this way!
In fact, this might be the important information you've ever read, because I'm about to share with you a secret way of literally erasing this fear of getting into trouble from your body and mind.
Imagine what it would be like to:
1. No longer have any fear of getting into trouble.
2. Be able to be calm if others are angry with you
3. Be very centred and calm when you speak your truth.
4. No longer have to worry about others' reactions to you.
It would be wonderful, wouldn't it! Imagine the sheer bliss of it.
Well you don't just have to imagine it. You can live it. Read on to find out how.
So what is this secret which can free you from this fear of gettinginto trouble?
The solution is EFT, also called Tapping. It involves nothing more complex than tapping gently on acupuncture points, and it literally erases negative emotions such as the hurt and pain you're experiencing.
And it does that amazingly quickly and easily. Just zaps the hurt and pain into oblivion. It's hard to describe it until you've experienced it - the negative emotions just fade away till they're completely and utterly gone! Vanished, eradicated and non-existent.
What EFT is NOT:
It is NOT talk-therapy. Although there is usually an element of talking, it is really body-work with a talking element, rather than just talking.
It is NOT hypnosis. Although you might find it relaxing, you do not go into any kind of hypnotic trance.
It is NOT faith-healing. You absolutely do not have to believe it for it to work. You can be as sceptical as you like.
It is NOT in any way religious. There is no belief system whatsoever needed.
How EFT is different from traditional counselling:
It makes changes at a much deeper level. Did you ever know something rationally, but not know it deep down? With EFT you experience the acceptance and peace deep down, in your gut and heart and soul, not just as an abstract theory.
It's much, much quicker. Changes that used to take months of therapy can now happen in tens of minutes, or hours at most.
It's much gentler - you can even heal your issue without talking or even thinking about it - you just give it a title or label, and work on that until it's easy to think/talk about.
It's much cheaper: as it's so much quicker, it costs so much less.
Quite frankly, EFT makes traditional counselling obsolete. Why just talk about it when you can heal it?
I came to EFT when I was trying to heal what I now know is the DONM legacy, and I was blown away by the results. It changed my life, literally. I erased issue after issue after issue (traumas, addictions, phobias, limiting beliefs and other blocks), and life just kept getting better and better in terms of better health, better relationships and more joy and contentment in my life. (And I am still using EFT every day, and improving my life every day.)
I then trained as an EFT practitioner - because I knew this was too good to keep to myself, and have helped hundreds of clients over the past seven years to erase phobias, traumas, anxiety and a myriad of other issues. You can see some of the non-DONM feedback here.
As soon as I realised about the unique crazy-making upbringing we DONMs have, I knew that EFT could powerfully resolve these issues quickly and easily. This is why I share, on this site, a video on how to do EFT so you can use it for yourself. The resource is very real and very good, but the challenge is that usually people find it very difficult to know what to say as they tap. And so I have come up with a solution I'm very excited about:
I have created a script in which I guide you
as you tap on this fear of getting into trouble and gently erase it.
This script is very carefully crafted, using my many years of EFT experience combined with my lifetime of DONM experience, to give you a resource which will quite simply erase this fear.
This resourse is unique in the world - created by a DONM for DONMs, addressing the unique issues our crazy upbringing has given us.
Here some comments from DONM forum members who have benefited from their experiences with EFT:
Eating Healthily!
Just checked my food diary and was amazed to see that I didn't eat anything for 2 hours after tapping [The 'Self-Harm' video] - wow! And what I did eat was a cheese and tomato croissant followed 2½ hours later by some mushroom soup.
So I'm seeing results already!
As the results of my neglect [i.e. her business sabotage] became clear today, I had the urge to commit more neglect. I found myself reaching for the mouse to [waste time on the internet] and I checked a couple of news sites about four times. I decided if I was going to do something other than work than it would be EFT. So, I did the self-harm session and then the healing resistance video. While I still felt really disappointed, I got back to work.
Forum Member 'Christine'
The most productive day yet since doing the Tapping!
I think today was probably the most productive day since the beginning of EFT. I did the healing resistance first today and then the self-harm sessions. The huge difference is that [the fallout from her business neglect] would have been proof of my “incompetence” two weeks ago. Today it was “what can I do to mitigate the fallout.”
Forum Member 'Christine'
Used EFT to avoid displacement activities and do the work!
Well, the marketing email is done and queued up to go out at 9:00 am. I stopped in the middle of the process and did and EFT session on hiding. I just wanted to go to the dog park or do something else completely. I had plenty of opportunities to run away so I thought a good session in the middle of it all would help. I think it did. I got some writing done as well.
Forum Member 'Christine', who had been sabotaging by not doing her marketing.)
A superb script!
The script is absolutely ideal for this self-harm/DoNM stuff! It's specific enough to target this particular phenomenon, but broad enough for each person to apply to her own particular penchant for self-harm/neglect/punishment. A superb job, Danu; thank you so much!
Forum Member 'Alex'
This is done in the form of a diary entry by forum member 'Reader'.
Got taken on by an agency after Tapping!
EFT for five days in a row
Feel confident enough to finally apply to a professional talent agency
Get signed with an agency within the hour
Have a complete DoNM-style FREAK OUT that I suck at everything and who the hell do I think I am signing with an agent?
Make the conscious choice to ignore the inner demons and go back to EFT
A few days of calm
Sign up for multiple auditions and become absolutely shameless about self promotion
Have another major FREAK OUT and think I suck at everything
More EFT
I'm currently in a calm place where I still hear the inner voices telling me I suck, but I am making the conscious choice to tap-tap-tap when I feel that anxiety and proceed anyway.
I've also been writing like mad and have plans to push my writing to a literary agency. Feeling major anxiety around that, too, but screw it. Back to EFT. Gonna do it. Life is short.
So this is amazing stuff.
Forum Member 'Reader'
I have practiced EFT for over seven years, TFT for four years and cognitive therapy for almost thirty. Both of my parents are card-carrying narcissists and I bore the brunt of this madness and my mother, especially, was diabolical. What I realized is that no one directly deals with the feelings that any child of a narcissist has because few understand it. So when I used EFT myself I got close but never was able to address the issues that you cover because even I didn't understand what I was feeling.
I have the manuals but I prefer to watch you on the video because you are such a comforting presence, I don't have to feel alone and you have such a beautiful voice.
The first video I tapped along to ("Self-Punishment") I felt so good- and then suddenly craved a box of See's candy. I was shocked because I used to have a severe craving for See's that I had dealt with before and hadn't eaten in years. However, sitting and tapping through the feelings, the craving went away completely- and I knew I was on the right track. At first, I thought that the "Self-Punishment" video wasn't about me because my (and probably others') issues have long been ignored or misidentified - yet it was! I have been punishing myself all of my life through overeating, self-denial, self-sabotage, you name it. Tears came up while I was tapping but they were cleansing because I was, at last, hearing the truth.
I've only had three of your videos ("I Never Belong", "Self-Punishment", "Not Safe to Heal") as well as all of the PDF's. I repeat the "7 Words" all the time and I find them quite comforting to say. I especially like the fact that you've included the positive "Choices" in your videos because I need to know where to go next. I find myself ending the session with a smile.
When I used them the first day, I couldn't believe your words- they felt too foreign even after all of this therapy. However, five days later, I'm nodding my head in agreement as I do my tapping. Interestingly, I have had a much easier time creating healthier boundaries and making healing choices, which is something I wouldn't have expected. Hearing the truth in a non-combative manner, from someone who finally understands me, is like a balm to my heart, mind and soul.
I know through using EFT for so long that specificity is crucial. Yet, I found myself "dancing" around the issue of narcissism because I had never identified it- and nor had anyone else. I have thousands of pages downloaded from Gary Craig's [EFT's founder] original site, not to mention the hundreds of dollars I've wasted on EFT practitioners. The "elephant in the living room" was always missing, so while I found some success I was always just "missing the mark". When I watched your first video, many feelings came up, but mainly recognition. I nodded my head and smiled through the tears as I tapped and thought, "Somebody finally understands me!". My inner child has longed to hear the words that you use in the videos all of my life and I find repeated listening extremely calming and reassuring.
I know that you had worked hard on the wording because I recognize the various techniques that you use. The "art of delivery" comes in- not with the techniques- but the application of them. Most beginners of EFT get stuck with "What do I say?" and you resolve that here beautifully.
So, thank you and I will be eager to buy more!
This is a long message (sorry). But in one week, I am sleeping so much better. I am eating like a "normie" which I haven't done since childhood. And I am finally back in my own body. These are true miracles to me- and I haven't been in therapy in weeks!
Each session seems to bring me closer to my subconscious and has more meaning every time. I do it once a day as I find it quite intense. I'm starting to insert my own words while following the videos. My old unbidden thought patterns, “I have never done anything right, I do not deserve to be happy, I am worthless etc. etc.” are now being countered by other thoughts, “I am a human equal to all humans and have only done my best, I deserve to be happy, I have done good things in my life etc etc.” I am taking better care of myself after about a week or so. I feel that just taking a step towards improving self care is a positive thing.
Maybe after the 30 days Danu says is a must, I'll be able to alter the tapping more to my specific issues, but for now, the videos are really helping. So much easier than dragging up awful buried memories, painfully dissecting them, coming to terms and moving on! Weeks instead of years. Awesome!
Forum Member 'Survivor'
Monday, January 17, 2011
How to Boost Collagen Production in Your Skin
How to Boost Collagen Production in Your Skin
How to Boost Collagen Production in Your Skin88
rate or flag this pageTweet this
By Staci-Barbo7
Collagen is a long, fibrous protein that together with elastin and soft keratin, forms the connective tissue (literally, the tissue that "connects" the skin together) which is responsible for your skin's elasticity and strength. Skin aging - thinning of the skin, appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, and age spots, occur when the collagen begins to break down in your skin. This process is a natural part of aging, which usually begins by your late 20's.
When this begins to happen to us ("I think I see a new laugh line at the corner of my eyes"), many of us seek help in a bottle, or in a jar. And there are many good products out there. Some do a good job of giving temporary results and some don't. In a future article, I will cover which products you can trust. For now, I want to warn you away from the many topical skin care products on the market that contain collagen and make great claims - THEY DON'T WORK! I know this is counter-intuitive; if your skin needs to rebuild collagen and the product contains collagen, it MUST work, right? Well, no. The reason these collagen-containing products don't work is that the collagen molecules are just too large to get inside the skin and do their job of rebuilding. In short, they are simply imposters.
You must build collagen from the inside out!
Dr. Perricone is an expert in the area of the role of foods and nutrients in inflammation, cellular regeneration, and anti-aging. Watch his video below for insight into the inflammatory process in the body - and reversing it - through nutrition.
Look Younger with Anti-Inflammatory Diet
Lifestyle Strategies for Beautiful Skin
So, with all the options available, how in the world are you supposed to know what YOU can do to rejuvenate your skin's elasticity and plumpness? Great question. In this article, we are going to look at the lifestyle strategies that you can adopt to slow down, halt, and even reverse the aging process in your skin to an amazing degree.
First and foremost, DO NOT SMOKE. If you already smoke, the best thing you can do for your skin is to quit. Nothing ages your skin quite so fast as smoking.
If you consume alcohol, do so in extreme moderation, as alcohol has a very similar effect on the skin as cigarette smoking.
Exercise a minimum of three to four times a week. Exercise is good for every aspect of your health, and your skin is no exception.
Finally, the lifestyle choice that has the capacity to make the most improvement in your skin is eating the right foods. Notice that I did not give the garden variety advice to "eat right." There are very specific nutrients that work to protect the existing collagen in your skin, and there are nutrients that actually stimulate collagen regrowth in your skin.
Fresh Face Collagen with Collagen-Boosting Ingredients
Collagen-Boosting Nutrients
The inside-to-outside approach is always your best bet for health and beauty. To look younger, your body must produce new collagen cells in your skin. You must consume foods that help your body protect the collagen it has, while providing the building blocks it needs to build new collagen fibers.
Cold water fish, such as salmon, sardines, cod, mackerel, and tuna are rich in Omega-3 fatty acids that keep skin soft and supple. Eating three to four ounces at least twice a week gives you good amounts of these essential fatty acids. If you are vegan, you can take two Tbsp. of flax seed oil daily instead.
Garlic contains sulfur, which helps your body produce collagen. Garlic contains taurine and lipoid acid, which support damaged collagen fibers. Make garlic a regular component of your meat dishes, stews, beans, soups, ethnic meals, and pasta.
Tomatoes are rich in the antioxidant lycopene, which inhibits collagenases. Collagenases are enzymes that destroy collagen. While many foods have higher nutrient values when they are eaten raw, tomatoes actually contain greater amounts of lycopene when they are cooked. Enjoy liberal doses of stewed tomatoes, tomato sauce, marinara sauce, and spaghetti sauce.
Hot Chili Peppers are an excellent source of Vitamin C!
Vitamin C: Collagen-Boosting Supernutrient
Vitamin C is critical for collagen production in the skin. Therefore, you'll want to make it a priority to eat foods high in Vitamin C.
Many fruits and vegetables are excellent sources of Vitamin C. And of course, we all know that citrus fruits, such as oranges, lemons, and grapefruit are good sources of Vitamin C. That is true. However, did you know that even though these foods ARE good sources of Vitamin C, they are NOT THE BEST sources?
That's right. A number of other fruits and vegetables contain superior amounts of Vitamin C to citrus fruit! Surprisingly, for you guys and gals that love spicy foods, hot chili peppers is THE TOP PICK for Vitamin C - both the red and green varieties! I always knew there was a reason to love salsa. Ola!!
Best Sources of Vitamin C
Food
Vitamin C per 3.5 ounce serving
Hot chili peppers, green (raw)
242 mg.
Guavas
228 mg.
Sweet peppers, yellow (raw)
183 mg.
Lychees (dried)
183 mg.
Black currants, European (raw)
181 mg.
Sweet peppers, green (sauteed)
177 mg.
Sweet peppers, red (sauteed)
163 mg.
Hot chili peppers, red (raw)
144 mg.
Orange juice
138 mg.
Kale (raw)
120 - 130 mg.
Mustard greens (raw)
130 mg.
Sweet peppers, red (raw)
128 mg.
Grapefruit juice
120 mg.
Tomatoes, sun-dried (in oil)
102 mg.
Vitamin C Superfoods
To the right are tables of the foods highest in Vitamin C. I have grouped the foods in the table to the right and below according to amounts of Vitamin C they contain:
Best sources of Vitamin C - 100 to 200 mg.
Very good sources of Vitamin C - 77 to 100 mg.
As you can see in more detail in the tables, the top Vitamin C-containing superfoods (besides hot peppers) are . . . . . .
sweet peppers
guavas
blackcurrants
lychees
oranges and grapefruits
dark leafy greens, peaches
kiwi
broccoli and cauliflower.
Very Good Sources of Vitamin C
Food
Number of mg. of Vitamin C per 100 gram serving (3.5 ounces)
Peaches (frozen)
94 mg.
Broccoli (raw)
89-93 mg.
Kiwi (raw)
7-93 mg.
Cauliflower (raw)
89 mg.
Brussel sprouts (raw)
85 mg.
Banana peppers (raw)
83 mg.
Sweet peppers, green (raw)
80 mg.
Lemons (raw)
77 mg.
New Laser Therapy Promotes Collagen in Skin
Garlic is great for quite a few things more too.
Hot peppers eh? so bell peppers do not fit in there?
I saw kiwi but it is over 100mg. That is a favorite of mine.
any foods or fruits or veggies that are counter-productive besides junk food?
I think the most overlooked counter-productive foods are those that create inflammation in the body, like oils or fats that contain the wrong ratio of omega fats, i.e., lard, hard vegetable shortening (Crisco), hydrogenated oils, partially hydrogenated oils, most margarines, and many prepared foods, which contain hydrogenated oils and/or trans fats. The key is to look for great ingredients - the same ones you would use if you were cooking at home (assuming a basic knowledge of nutrition and the will to use it).
Next most counter-productive foods - I would say that foods made from a COMBINATION of high fats (or bad fats) AND sugar qualify.
Finally, avoid foods made with refined ingredients, like white flour and high fructose corn syrup. The body just does not favor these foods that do not appear in nature; that is why they create inflammation and wreak havoc within the body's systems. This naturally includes the skin, as our bodies' largest organ (that serves a vital role in excreting these UN-natural substances, by the way).
Anti-Aging and Collagen in the News
Wrinkle reducing collagen creams 'are a waste of money', say scientists
Daily Mail21 hours ago
Experts say that the collagen molecules in the enticing-sounding lotions and potions are so large that very few make it through the skin.
Wrinkles reducing creams are 'waste of money'
New Kerala17 hours ago
London, Jan 17 : Using wrinkles creams to smooth and plump your skin does no good; rather it affects your pocket, scientists have said.
Hub-Knobbing
Anti Aging Light Therapy -- LED
Anti aging light therapy is something that science is just beginning to study. It's interesting to think of light being used as an anti aging technique, especially since one of the worst things for the skin...
Vitamin C and Collagen, an anti-aging connection
How good ol' vitamin C plays a vital role in collagen production in our bodies. And collagen, so much more than just the "youthful" matter under our skin!
Amazing Health Benefits of Vitamin C
Vitamin C is one of the most important anti-oxidant. It is important to know that Vitamin C is not produced by the body; therefore it is necessary to take a huge amount of it. When people age their natural...
Popular Treatments for Anti-aging and Joint Inflammation
In the western world there has been much debate over the effectiveness of hyaluronic acid supplements as treatments for anti-aging, premature aging and joint inflammation. The popularity of these supplements...
How to Boost Collagen Production in Your Skin88
rate or flag this pageTweet this
By Staci-Barbo7
Collagen is a long, fibrous protein that together with elastin and soft keratin, forms the connective tissue (literally, the tissue that "connects" the skin together) which is responsible for your skin's elasticity and strength. Skin aging - thinning of the skin, appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, and age spots, occur when the collagen begins to break down in your skin. This process is a natural part of aging, which usually begins by your late 20's.
When this begins to happen to us ("I think I see a new laugh line at the corner of my eyes"), many of us seek help in a bottle, or in a jar. And there are many good products out there. Some do a good job of giving temporary results and some don't. In a future article, I will cover which products you can trust. For now, I want to warn you away from the many topical skin care products on the market that contain collagen and make great claims - THEY DON'T WORK! I know this is counter-intuitive; if your skin needs to rebuild collagen and the product contains collagen, it MUST work, right? Well, no. The reason these collagen-containing products don't work is that the collagen molecules are just too large to get inside the skin and do their job of rebuilding. In short, they are simply imposters.
You must build collagen from the inside out!
Dr. Perricone is an expert in the area of the role of foods and nutrients in inflammation, cellular regeneration, and anti-aging. Watch his video below for insight into the inflammatory process in the body - and reversing it - through nutrition.
Look Younger with Anti-Inflammatory Diet
Lifestyle Strategies for Beautiful Skin
So, with all the options available, how in the world are you supposed to know what YOU can do to rejuvenate your skin's elasticity and plumpness? Great question. In this article, we are going to look at the lifestyle strategies that you can adopt to slow down, halt, and even reverse the aging process in your skin to an amazing degree.
First and foremost, DO NOT SMOKE. If you already smoke, the best thing you can do for your skin is to quit. Nothing ages your skin quite so fast as smoking.
If you consume alcohol, do so in extreme moderation, as alcohol has a very similar effect on the skin as cigarette smoking.
Exercise a minimum of three to four times a week. Exercise is good for every aspect of your health, and your skin is no exception.
Finally, the lifestyle choice that has the capacity to make the most improvement in your skin is eating the right foods. Notice that I did not give the garden variety advice to "eat right." There are very specific nutrients that work to protect the existing collagen in your skin, and there are nutrients that actually stimulate collagen regrowth in your skin.
Fresh Face Collagen with Collagen-Boosting Ingredients
Collagen-Boosting Nutrients
The inside-to-outside approach is always your best bet for health and beauty. To look younger, your body must produce new collagen cells in your skin. You must consume foods that help your body protect the collagen it has, while providing the building blocks it needs to build new collagen fibers.
Cold water fish, such as salmon, sardines, cod, mackerel, and tuna are rich in Omega-3 fatty acids that keep skin soft and supple. Eating three to four ounces at least twice a week gives you good amounts of these essential fatty acids. If you are vegan, you can take two Tbsp. of flax seed oil daily instead.
Garlic contains sulfur, which helps your body produce collagen. Garlic contains taurine and lipoid acid, which support damaged collagen fibers. Make garlic a regular component of your meat dishes, stews, beans, soups, ethnic meals, and pasta.
Tomatoes are rich in the antioxidant lycopene, which inhibits collagenases. Collagenases are enzymes that destroy collagen. While many foods have higher nutrient values when they are eaten raw, tomatoes actually contain greater amounts of lycopene when they are cooked. Enjoy liberal doses of stewed tomatoes, tomato sauce, marinara sauce, and spaghetti sauce.
Hot Chili Peppers are an excellent source of Vitamin C!
Vitamin C: Collagen-Boosting Supernutrient
Vitamin C is critical for collagen production in the skin. Therefore, you'll want to make it a priority to eat foods high in Vitamin C.
Many fruits and vegetables are excellent sources of Vitamin C. And of course, we all know that citrus fruits, such as oranges, lemons, and grapefruit are good sources of Vitamin C. That is true. However, did you know that even though these foods ARE good sources of Vitamin C, they are NOT THE BEST sources?
That's right. A number of other fruits and vegetables contain superior amounts of Vitamin C to citrus fruit! Surprisingly, for you guys and gals that love spicy foods, hot chili peppers is THE TOP PICK for Vitamin C - both the red and green varieties! I always knew there was a reason to love salsa. Ola!!
Best Sources of Vitamin C
Food
Vitamin C per 3.5 ounce serving
Hot chili peppers, green (raw)
242 mg.
Guavas
228 mg.
Sweet peppers, yellow (raw)
183 mg.
Lychees (dried)
183 mg.
Black currants, European (raw)
181 mg.
Sweet peppers, green (sauteed)
177 mg.
Sweet peppers, red (sauteed)
163 mg.
Hot chili peppers, red (raw)
144 mg.
Orange juice
138 mg.
Kale (raw)
120 - 130 mg.
Mustard greens (raw)
130 mg.
Sweet peppers, red (raw)
128 mg.
Grapefruit juice
120 mg.
Tomatoes, sun-dried (in oil)
102 mg.
Vitamin C Superfoods
To the right are tables of the foods highest in Vitamin C. I have grouped the foods in the table to the right and below according to amounts of Vitamin C they contain:
Best sources of Vitamin C - 100 to 200 mg.
Very good sources of Vitamin C - 77 to 100 mg.
As you can see in more detail in the tables, the top Vitamin C-containing superfoods (besides hot peppers) are . . . . . .
sweet peppers
guavas
blackcurrants
lychees
oranges and grapefruits
dark leafy greens, peaches
kiwi
broccoli and cauliflower.
Very Good Sources of Vitamin C
Food
Number of mg. of Vitamin C per 100 gram serving (3.5 ounces)
Peaches (frozen)
94 mg.
Broccoli (raw)
89-93 mg.
Kiwi (raw)
7-93 mg.
Cauliflower (raw)
89 mg.
Brussel sprouts (raw)
85 mg.
Banana peppers (raw)
83 mg.
Sweet peppers, green (raw)
80 mg.
Lemons (raw)
77 mg.
New Laser Therapy Promotes Collagen in Skin
Garlic is great for quite a few things more too.
Hot peppers eh? so bell peppers do not fit in there?
I saw kiwi but it is over 100mg. That is a favorite of mine.
any foods or fruits or veggies that are counter-productive besides junk food?
I think the most overlooked counter-productive foods are those that create inflammation in the body, like oils or fats that contain the wrong ratio of omega fats, i.e., lard, hard vegetable shortening (Crisco), hydrogenated oils, partially hydrogenated oils, most margarines, and many prepared foods, which contain hydrogenated oils and/or trans fats. The key is to look for great ingredients - the same ones you would use if you were cooking at home (assuming a basic knowledge of nutrition and the will to use it).
Next most counter-productive foods - I would say that foods made from a COMBINATION of high fats (or bad fats) AND sugar qualify.
Finally, avoid foods made with refined ingredients, like white flour and high fructose corn syrup. The body just does not favor these foods that do not appear in nature; that is why they create inflammation and wreak havoc within the body's systems. This naturally includes the skin, as our bodies' largest organ (that serves a vital role in excreting these UN-natural substances, by the way).
Anti-Aging and Collagen in the News
Wrinkle reducing collagen creams 'are a waste of money', say scientists
Daily Mail21 hours ago
Experts say that the collagen molecules in the enticing-sounding lotions and potions are so large that very few make it through the skin.
Wrinkles reducing creams are 'waste of money'
New Kerala17 hours ago
London, Jan 17 : Using wrinkles creams to smooth and plump your skin does no good; rather it affects your pocket, scientists have said.
Hub-Knobbing
Anti Aging Light Therapy -- LED
Anti aging light therapy is something that science is just beginning to study. It's interesting to think of light being used as an anti aging technique, especially since one of the worst things for the skin...
Vitamin C and Collagen, an anti-aging connection
How good ol' vitamin C plays a vital role in collagen production in our bodies. And collagen, so much more than just the "youthful" matter under our skin!
Amazing Health Benefits of Vitamin C
Vitamin C is one of the most important anti-oxidant. It is important to know that Vitamin C is not produced by the body; therefore it is necessary to take a huge amount of it. When people age their natural...
Popular Treatments for Anti-aging and Joint Inflammation
In the western world there has been much debate over the effectiveness of hyaluronic acid supplements as treatments for anti-aging, premature aging and joint inflammation. The popularity of these supplements...
ALL ABOUT SCARVES
Check out Tiffany Hendra and Hanna Hilburn's Sanctuary of Style on Youtube and Facebook. Tiffany is one of the rare cool chicks out there with a great sense of style and a gift for spreading her creativity ~ genuine and giving, she wants other women to look and feel their best and achieve happiness as well. WHAT? I know! She's a find, and she shares hers (including Hanna) with anyone interested.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
Congratulations for finding your way to this website, Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. This means that you have already identified that something is/was wrong with the way your mother treated you, and have loved yourself enough to search for answers. This is HUGE. It means that you have already taken a big step on the journey of healing from being a daughter of a narcissistic mother.
You may have come here via search terms which did not involve any of the words like 'daughters of narcissistic mothers' or 'narcissistic personality disorder' or 'npd'.
In that case, it means that you don't yet know exactly why your mother is the way she is, you just know that your mother-daughter relationship is very flawed.
You will therefore find the information on this website to be hugely valuable in finally identifying what the problem is, in understanding both your mother's behaviour and your own dysfunctional patterns.
And that alone is very, very powerful. Discovering what has been going on with your mother/your relationship with her/yourself - is the most liberating thing ever! It makes sense of so, so much.
Why not check out our vibrant and friendly forum?
And/or sign up for our informative newsletter?
But there's much more. The plan is that this website (and the accompanying forum) will be your guide as you go on the DONM Journey - the path of euphoria, then sadness, bereavement, anger and so on that you experience.
And even more, this Daughters of Narcissistic Website is about healing from this. That's its main focus, indeed. All the other information is just to provide the understanding and knowledge needed before you can move on.
This is NOT about wallowing in the pain and hurt of being a daughter of a narcissistic mother. Not at all. It's about moving on, healing, and claiming your own self as the wonderful vibrant woman you really are.
It's a four-step journey:
First of all you find out more about Narcissistic Personality Disorder - or NPD as it's commonly referred to.
Then you learn about how it manifests itself specifically in mothers with NPD.
Then you learn more about the effects of being the Daughter of a Narcissistic Mother.
And then you're ready to heal. The resources here are cutting-edge, powerful and gentle - and they work.
The motto of this website is: The Pain Stops Here.
And if you choose to use the resources and information I share, that is so true for you.
As Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers we've suffered enough - you don't need to suffer any more. The pain stops here.
Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
Congratulations for finding your way to this website, Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. This means that you have already identified that something is/was wrong with the way your mother treated you, and have loved yourself enough to search for answers. This is HUGE. It means that you have already taken a big step on the journey of healing from being a daughter of a narcissistic mother.
You may have come here via search terms which did not involve any of the words like 'daughters of narcissistic mothers' or 'narcissistic personality disorder' or 'npd'.
In that case, it means that you don't yet know exactly why your mother is the way she is, you just know that your mother-daughter relationship is very flawed.
You will therefore find the information on this website to be hugely valuable in finally identifying what the problem is, in understanding both your mother's behaviour and your own dysfunctional patterns.
And that alone is very, very powerful. Discovering what has been going on with your mother/your relationship with her/yourself - is the most liberating thing ever! It makes sense of so, so much.
Why not check out our vibrant and friendly forum?
And/or sign up for our informative newsletter?
But there's much more. The plan is that this website (and the accompanying forum) will be your guide as you go on the DONM Journey - the path of euphoria, then sadness, bereavement, anger and so on that you experience.
And even more, this Daughters of Narcissistic Website is about healing from this. That's its main focus, indeed. All the other information is just to provide the understanding and knowledge needed before you can move on.
This is NOT about wallowing in the pain and hurt of being a daughter of a narcissistic mother. Not at all. It's about moving on, healing, and claiming your own self as the wonderful vibrant woman you really are.
It's a four-step journey:
First of all you find out more about Narcissistic Personality Disorder - or NPD as it's commonly referred to.
Then you learn about how it manifests itself specifically in mothers with NPD.
Then you learn more about the effects of being the Daughter of a Narcissistic Mother.
And then you're ready to heal. The resources here are cutting-edge, powerful and gentle - and they work.
The motto of this website is: The Pain Stops Here.
And if you choose to use the resources and information I share, that is so true for you.
As Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers we've suffered enough - you don't need to suffer any more. The pain stops here.
♥ ♥ Breaking up with a sociopathic narcissist relationship support - leaving a sociopath man
♥ ♥ Breaking up with a sociopathic narcissist relationship support - leaving a sociopath man
http://sociopathicrelationship.com/
WELL LOOK NO FURTHER! WE CAN HELP YOU!!!
Are You In Love With a Man That Has a Counterfeit Heart?
Here's how to breakup with a sociopathic
narcissist and still keep your sanity
(or whatever sanity he has left you with!)
Living with, Loving and LEAVING the Narcissist -The Sociopath in Your Life
Breaking up with a sociopathic narcissist? Be prepared for the battle of your life!
While you are an emotional basketcase, he is as Cold as Ice!
While you are left holding down the fort and dealing with the real-life responsibilities,
he walks away from everything leaving you to mop off his stage and pay his bills.
He will punish you in ways you couldn't possibly have ever imagined...
....and not even acknowledge it to himself! Why?
Because he's off charming the socks off of new women as if your years together didn't even exist!
And to him they didn't! The sociopathic narcissist has a counterfeit heart!
"Read Tigress' books. Oh I wish I could've spent a mere few bucks and learned all that at 18 (the hurt I would've saved myself!!!). Read it, reread it. Feel it and live it." -Iris
The psychopath, sociopath, and narcissist tend to make very good first impressions on others. They are excellent actors and can fool almost anybody, even trained individuals. However, they have counterfeit hearts. Underneath their brilliant exterior lies a man that is self-centered, dishonest, unresponsible, and lacking emotions, remorse, and a conscience.These men live with a false sense of grandiosity and specialness and are easily found to be arrogant and deceitful. Underneath the fake exterior is an empty fraud who is lacking a human soul.
“Women know how to fake orgasm. Men know how to
fake an entire relationship.” ~ Sharon Stone
Unfortunately, the narcissist is sociopathic in that they often see themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability to empathize with others. They haven't the ability to see their own negative actions or the detrimental roles they play in their relationships with others. The narcissist is a deceptive man and the most common form of his deception is his own self-deception. He truly believes he is perfectly innocent of having committed any wrong-doing - ever.
He holds himself completely blameless for any part in the breakdown of your relationship. Don't hold your breath waiting for an apology from this man, or even an admittance on his part of being partially to blame - for anything. He believes he has done nothing wrong, as he is just so wonderful! (At least, in his on mind.)
The sociopathic narcissist doesn't care about your problems or your feelings. He has absolutely no regard or respect for anyone's feelings; he is completely without empathy and is never above taken advantage of others for his own personal gain. The narcissistic sociopath is constantly hungry for praise and he will go on a feeding frenzy for the adoration and admiration he desperately seeks with every individual he comes in contact with. He is a legend in his own mind, and deeply living in a fantasy world built on his own imagined self-importance.
"The [sociopath and] narcissist can neither give nor receive love. He cannot empathize with the pain and suffering of others. Although he is often incredibly charming and draws many people into his enchanted circle, the narcissist is incapable of true intimacy. At the core of his life experience, the narcissist has emotionally and often financially harmed so many. He has treated others with cruelty, ruthlessness and indifference too many times. Ultimately, in the depth of his unconscious, he knows he is an empty fraud" ~Linda Martinez-Lewi Ph.D.
Nothing can be more painful than breaking up with a sociopathic narcissistic man. He will not take it kindly - not because he will grieve the loss of you (you mean nothing to this man) but simply because you will have embarrassed him. And damaging his ego is a totally unforgivable sin to the narcissist! I'm afraid you're about to become his next victim, so be aware of his soon-to-come character assassin of you. (Sociopaths and Narcissistic men [they all hold an actor's award] will say just about anything about another in order to protect their perfect 'image'.)
Remember that a narcissist will never take direct responsibility for anything. He will blame you, the alignment of the stars, an ancient family curse ... anything. Mine went as far as to blame a simple rock that a friend brought back to me from her vacation in Florida as bringing 'evil' into our home. He also blamed his 'nickname' for his 'bad luck' (after our breakup), saying that 'bad karma' was associated to that nickname and he stopped using it altogether. Other times (when he was especially evil to me) he claimed he would smell a 'sweet flowery-like' scent before we would have a fight and that it was an 'evil force' that was trying to come between us.
But mostly, he just blamed the children or I for everything he did wrong. And, fixing his wrongs would have meant that he would have had to admit to actually having them to begin with, so that concept wasn't even a consideration. Better just to blame you and move on with his life, than to admit he was flawed and/or wrong and work on bettering the relationship (or himself). Narcissists will never acknowledge or deal with the real problem, because the real problem is them!
Whether or not this has happened to you, it is still a very painful realization when you come to discover that you meant absolutely nothing to someone you loved very much. The realization that this man never loved you (don't delude yourself) hurts beyond compare. It is hard to understand that a sociopath narcissistic man loves only himself, and, if anything, considered you more a 'love-rival' than a 'lover'.
A SOCIOPATH AND A NARCISSIST HAS A CALLOUS DISREGARD - FOR YOU
For most of us breaking up with a sociopath or a narcissist can leave us feeling confused, devastated, and untrusting of all men in the future.
Usually, when a relationship ends both parties grieve some, both parties have regrets and both parties have done things that they feel remorseful for.
But not a narcissist or a antisocial sociopath! He walks away from you with a cold, callous disregard. He feels nothing.
A narcissist will avoid looking at you - even if you are sitting right in front of him. This is his way of dismissing and devaluing you. There is nothing about his actions that are normal, but your mind can't conceive this and so it tries to understand. However, there is no making sense of the 'senseless'.
It is especially hard to let go of a relationship breakdown when you can't find any rhyme or reason to the way it all unfolded. We think that all people are good people and can't understand how someone could so easily just dismiss us as if we never existed.
Truth is, you didn't exist to the sociopath narcissist. He is so totally and completely self-centered to the point of being the only person in his life - ever. You simply were a temporary ego-boost. A narcissist supplier (an enforcer and validator of his self-love). His mirror.
You were taken in by his phony charm simply because you trusted men. And now you are left with doubts, insecurities, questions, and extreme hurt that one you cared for could so easily 'dismiss you' and then walk away completely unmoved and untouched by the experience.
You want him to hurt, too. To show sorrow. To feel remorse.
So that you can feel important again. Like you mattered.
But you didn't. And it has nothing to do with you. He simply is unable to care for anyone other than himself, no matter whom they are. And deep inside you know that you have just wasted years of your life on someone who is an empty fraud. It's like you imagined everything; nothing was real. He was a masterful actor when he was getting his ego fed; but now that he is not getting his narcissistic supply from you anymore he simply - and completely - has totally erased you from his life. It is important to remember that narcissists are 'plotters' and he has been plotting the destruction of the relationship since the very first moment his charming, but fake persona met you.
Expect your world to fall apart whereas his world will remain unscathed - as will his emotions. OOPS, pardon me, I made a mistake! Make that "his 'lack of' emotions". Sociopathic and Narcissistic men haven't any empathy for others, and will never take any direct responsibility for any pain they may have caused. They will never acknowledge their wrongdoings, or apologize to you, because they truly believe themselves to be perfect. They project all their faults and flaws onto you, accusing you of the very things that they, themselves, are guilty of.
"In my relationship I remember him to never EVER say he was sorry (EVER!) - for anything. I was always the one that would go to him, take responsibility and apologize. Yet I do remember a time when I did this and he said 'this is the first time you ever said that you were sorry". WTF? I was always apologizing for stuff that was always his doing - he caused the problems, or rather his sociopathic narcissism did. Did this man ever apologize to me? For anything? NO! The sociopathic narcissist will project everything he does onto you, as to YOU being the one that is doing it onto him. His abuse of you - in his mind - actually becomes your abuse of him! That's how twisted this man's mind is."
In fact, throughout your entire relationship, you probably were lead to believe that you were the problem when in actuality it was their antisocial personality disorder or their narcissism that was at fault. You have subconsciously learned to take his attacks personally, because he is so very good at manipulating the people around him.
Narcissistic and sociopathic men play on the fact that most of us are trusting and forgiving, and that we want to believe in them.
Sociopathic narcissists are all about their image, and they spend an inordinate amount of time perfecting their false front, or their 'image'. He's forever aware of his impression on people, and he knows exactly what 'face' to put on to draw people into his magical circle of followers - all with the intent to enhance his own self-exaltation. He is an expert at even fooling himself into thinking he is larger than life and the more positive the feedback he receives, the more trapped in his mirror he becomes. He would rather have adoration from complete strangers than a deep meaningful relationship with a loving partner. His image is superficial and covers up his complete lack of inner awareness. He is, quite simply, an expert fake, forever on the search for a true acceptance, but never daring enough to show his 'real self' for fear of not receiving it.
The sad thing is, because he feels he is loved for his fake front, he never truly feels loved for his real self, and this just further enables and encourages his narcissism.
The sociopath or narcissistic mate displays many typical psychopathic characteristics. He may have falsely displayed deep emotion toward you (when he was in your good graces). In reality, he was less concerned with you than with making himself look good. In the romance department, a narcissist or a histrionic man has an uncanny ability to gain your trust and affection quickly, disarming you with his charm and captivating you with his many grandiose plans. If he cheats on you you'll probably find forgiveness for him - maybe even blame yourself for his infidelities - but one day when you've had enough, he'll leave you with nothing but the breath-taking epiphany that your whole life with him has been a lie. He'll also, most likely, leave you with an empty pocketbook, too. Of course, by this time he'll already have a new 'sucker' under his wing, and could care less what he has done to you.
Yes, living with, loving and leaving a sociopathic narcissistic man is an experience unlike any other! You are deeply confused and weakened by the abuse. He wants you to pay for his inner pain, and he will do everything in his power to punish you and push you over the brink. Your mind can't rationalize that these men are not 'normal', and it tries to make sense of their behavior.
"I guess what burned me the most was that most people thought he was great and I was horrible for hurting poor, poor him...while they were worshipping him I was left with his chewed-up, spit-out mess. The bills, the kids, the dogs; his narcissistic fallout.
The real life, the responsibilities.
The broken car.
The dead water heater. The clogged drains. The leaking roof.
The bill collectors.
The threatened foreclosures.
He was a free man. Walked away from it all. I was the responsible party who had to mop off his stage when he got through with it. His narcissism turned me from a beautifully spirited and happy woman before I met him into the walking dead afterwards.
MY life was drained out of me after years of confusion by his backstabbing, abuse, lies, and lack of caring. I had circles under my eyes. I was hospitalized for shingles. I had lost 40 lbs and now had legs like a chicken (yep!). My back sagged, my head ached, my chest hurt, and I sometimes needed beer just to get to sleep at night, and even then I would wake up after two or three hours worrying about everything.
I was a mess.
The world was on my back.
The world was at his feet.
He walked away from everything. A true narcissist. Talking himself and charming himself out of every situation, he never believed that he actually had any responsibilities at all. Everything was disposable to him once it lost its narcissistic supply advantages. When he knew his game was up, he so easily convinced himself that they were all my bills, everything was my doing...I stopped his narcissistic supply so this is the price I will now pay (narcissists like to 'punish'). I complained to him once about the entire burden he dumped squarely on my shoulders; he simply said, "Let it go, will ya?" His egotistical narcissistic mind thought I was pining away for him and not merely exhausted from the load he dumped on me. Yet this very same man had the audacity to yell at me when I took him and his vehicle off of my auto insurance coverage plan 12 MONTHS AFTER we broke up. Seriously! No thank you's for keeping him covered for an entire year … just indignant outrage that I had finally stopped!"
NOTE: Here's a picture of the bills EXACTLY as my coward narcissist left them (strategically spread out) for me on our bed when he ran away - off to be the 'Charming Fake' on his new ego-driven mission of destruction ...
"Dear Friend,
Nobody knows better the pain of living with, loving, and leaving a sociopathic narcissist better than I. I have been there and I know, first hand, how it feels to be the guiding shadow of this damaged man. I know about the psychological, verbal, and emotional abuse. I know about the neglect. I know how it feels to never have had him there for you - ever.
I know what it is like to sit there in silence and listen to him talk about himself all day - and all night. I know what it is like to never, ever be acknowledged or put first.
I know what it is like to have him dislike everything about you - from your perfume to the car you drive to your very own friends.
I know what to expect when breaking up with this man. And I know the damage that can be done to the woman that loves him and leaves him.
And I want to share my knowledge with you, so that you may be spared the heartache associated with a breakup in a narcissistic-based relationship.
If you want to read about this man ... and really learn all about everything you have been through, plus get real explanations to why you feel the way you do, then you must read on.
The secrets about him I am about to share with you will reveal the answers to your many questions and bring you to a better place and peace of mind.
Answers like...
why he treats you like 'The Enemy'
what are the histrionic and narcissism disorder signs and how can you recognize them
why any argument with him always leads to him being the 'damaged party ' and you feeling beaten without ever having even opened your mouth
why, even after you have left him, you still hurt instead of feeling good to finally be rid of all the pain caused by his antisocial behavior disorder or by his narcissism
why he hates everything you like - from your music preference and perfume, to your friends and pets
why he disagrees with any of your choices, opinions, or beliefs
how he truly feels about you, and why it matters to you so much
who the Toxic Narcissist is, and how to recognize which type of the Nine Types of Toxic Narcissists your man is (Yes, they are not all alike!)
why Narcissists are rarely faithful, and why it has nothing to do with you
what to expect in and after the breakup
why he has distorted views of you
why he never will be able to take responsibility for anything
how people who know him really feel about him, and why
why you went from his 'partner' to his 'rival' - almost overnight
what the "Three A's" are that motivate the narcissist and how they influenced your relationship with him
how to recover - really recover - from the worst nightmare of your life, loving and leaving a narcissist or sociopath
why he 'demonizes' and 'devalues' you
why, when you are around him, you behave in a manner that is totally unlike your normal, beautiful self
recognizing the symptoms and learning the definitions of Histrionics and Narcissism
how to survive a narcissist
narcissistic personality disorder, traits, and behavior in men
signs and traits of a narcissist relationship and a histrionic relationship
Sounds to good to be true? It's not! You will get the answers you need to finally find some peace in your life ... Something that is probably long over due if you have been with anyone who has narcissism!
"Imagine a pair of binoculars. The narcissist sees his self through the magnified side, and the rest of the world through the small, insignificant side. He is so self-absorbed that people outside of him only have importance as long as they are feeding his blown up self-image. Ironically, he is never ever worshipped or adored anywhere near what he thinks he is.
Most people find this man to be pompous, self-centered, boisterous, conceited, and pretentious. With extreme emphasis on the pretentious part! His fantasies of being the best, smartest, most talented, most loved and most popular are - most assuredly - all in his head. He is a legend in his own mind, and the importance of you last only as long as you haven't discovered the real man inside. Once you have he knows his fake gig (with you) is up and so then are you. He doesn't want to have to face - or even acknowledge his real self - so he will dump you like toxic waste and move on, rabidly seeking a new audience for his displays of grandiosity."
Yes, there is nothing real about this man!
"It can be completely unnerving to see this beautiful public persona become a creature from Hades once alone outside of ear and eye shot of everyone else. His roughshod treatment of you causes many an ugly scene from your play as you act out in self-defense; act crazy from the confusion of loving the fake persona and feeling the rejection and contempt from him.
Or you may simply hold it all inside, becoming quiet and depressed while feeling your self-esteem plummet as you take direct ownership over the mean treatment and comments doled out to you by the narcissist. The inner emotional pain and confusion can only be topped by the blatant way he can control those around him into thinking he is right, wonderful, and 'standing in the light of truth'...nothing could be further from the truth, though, but your untrained eye cannot see this."
The sociopath and the narcissistic ex continually acts in abusive, bewildering and confusing ways. He is not above committing destructive acts. When the breakup becomes a reality, it is likely that his 'false persona' will completely disappear all together and you will most likely experience the most hurtful of behavior from him. He is completely lacking in empathy, and - since he is not receiving any admiration from you anymore - he will dismiss you and discard you as worthless to him, consequently dropping any fake front that he use to put up in order to keep you in the relationship.
"Narcissists become particularly shameless during a divorce. They accuse the other spouse of neglecting the children when the reverse is true. They hide their assets long before the formal divorce proceedings begin. They lie about their net worth so they don't have to part with alimony or child support. Some narcissists, both male and female, abandon their families all together and start new lives with more attractive, adoring and compliant partners. Leaving the previous spouse and children in a state of financial and psychological chaos is of no consequence to them. Many narcissists repeat these egregious patterns of behavior throughout their lives without shame or regret." ~ Linda Martinez-Lewi Ph.D.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Order Tigress Luv's latest ebook, 'The Counterfeit Heart: Stepping Back Into the Real World: Recovering From the Nightmare of Loving a Narcissistic Man', and get the ebook 'How to Break Free From Their Spell' absolutely FREE with your order so that you can get the best advice available to help you recover from your relationship, and your break up, with a sociopath or a narcissist. You can feel better today and you can get advice from someone who has been in your shoes!
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Copyright 2009 Gold Canyon Publishing All Rights Reserved - Breaking up with a narcissist and sociopath in a relationship support - How to break up with a sociopathic man who has narcissism, support and symptoms
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ARTICLES ON SOCIOPATHY, SOCIOPATH, SOCIOPATHIC, ANTISOCIAL PERSONALITY DISORDER, AND PSYCHOPATH PEOPLE
http://sociopathicrelationship.com/
http://sociopathicrelationship.com/
WELL LOOK NO FURTHER! WE CAN HELP YOU!!!
Are You In Love With a Man That Has a Counterfeit Heart?
Here's how to breakup with a sociopathic
narcissist and still keep your sanity
(or whatever sanity he has left you with!)
Living with, Loving and LEAVING the Narcissist -The Sociopath in Your Life
Breaking up with a sociopathic narcissist? Be prepared for the battle of your life!
While you are an emotional basketcase, he is as Cold as Ice!
While you are left holding down the fort and dealing with the real-life responsibilities,
he walks away from everything leaving you to mop off his stage and pay his bills.
He will punish you in ways you couldn't possibly have ever imagined...
....and not even acknowledge it to himself! Why?
Because he's off charming the socks off of new women as if your years together didn't even exist!
And to him they didn't! The sociopathic narcissist has a counterfeit heart!
"Read Tigress' books. Oh I wish I could've spent a mere few bucks and learned all that at 18 (the hurt I would've saved myself!!!). Read it, reread it. Feel it and live it." -Iris
The psychopath, sociopath, and narcissist tend to make very good first impressions on others. They are excellent actors and can fool almost anybody, even trained individuals. However, they have counterfeit hearts. Underneath their brilliant exterior lies a man that is self-centered, dishonest, unresponsible, and lacking emotions, remorse, and a conscience.These men live with a false sense of grandiosity and specialness and are easily found to be arrogant and deceitful. Underneath the fake exterior is an empty fraud who is lacking a human soul.
“Women know how to fake orgasm. Men know how to
fake an entire relationship.” ~ Sharon Stone
Unfortunately, the narcissist is sociopathic in that they often see themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability to empathize with others. They haven't the ability to see their own negative actions or the detrimental roles they play in their relationships with others. The narcissist is a deceptive man and the most common form of his deception is his own self-deception. He truly believes he is perfectly innocent of having committed any wrong-doing - ever.
He holds himself completely blameless for any part in the breakdown of your relationship. Don't hold your breath waiting for an apology from this man, or even an admittance on his part of being partially to blame - for anything. He believes he has done nothing wrong, as he is just so wonderful! (At least, in his on mind.)
The sociopathic narcissist doesn't care about your problems or your feelings. He has absolutely no regard or respect for anyone's feelings; he is completely without empathy and is never above taken advantage of others for his own personal gain. The narcissistic sociopath is constantly hungry for praise and he will go on a feeding frenzy for the adoration and admiration he desperately seeks with every individual he comes in contact with. He is a legend in his own mind, and deeply living in a fantasy world built on his own imagined self-importance.
"The [sociopath and] narcissist can neither give nor receive love. He cannot empathize with the pain and suffering of others. Although he is often incredibly charming and draws many people into his enchanted circle, the narcissist is incapable of true intimacy. At the core of his life experience, the narcissist has emotionally and often financially harmed so many. He has treated others with cruelty, ruthlessness and indifference too many times. Ultimately, in the depth of his unconscious, he knows he is an empty fraud" ~Linda Martinez-Lewi Ph.D.
Nothing can be more painful than breaking up with a sociopathic narcissistic man. He will not take it kindly - not because he will grieve the loss of you (you mean nothing to this man) but simply because you will have embarrassed him. And damaging his ego is a totally unforgivable sin to the narcissist! I'm afraid you're about to become his next victim, so be aware of his soon-to-come character assassin of you. (Sociopaths and Narcissistic men [they all hold an actor's award] will say just about anything about another in order to protect their perfect 'image'.)
Remember that a narcissist will never take direct responsibility for anything. He will blame you, the alignment of the stars, an ancient family curse ... anything. Mine went as far as to blame a simple rock that a friend brought back to me from her vacation in Florida as bringing 'evil' into our home. He also blamed his 'nickname' for his 'bad luck' (after our breakup), saying that 'bad karma' was associated to that nickname and he stopped using it altogether. Other times (when he was especially evil to me) he claimed he would smell a 'sweet flowery-like' scent before we would have a fight and that it was an 'evil force' that was trying to come between us.
But mostly, he just blamed the children or I for everything he did wrong. And, fixing his wrongs would have meant that he would have had to admit to actually having them to begin with, so that concept wasn't even a consideration. Better just to blame you and move on with his life, than to admit he was flawed and/or wrong and work on bettering the relationship (or himself). Narcissists will never acknowledge or deal with the real problem, because the real problem is them!
Whether or not this has happened to you, it is still a very painful realization when you come to discover that you meant absolutely nothing to someone you loved very much. The realization that this man never loved you (don't delude yourself) hurts beyond compare. It is hard to understand that a sociopath narcissistic man loves only himself, and, if anything, considered you more a 'love-rival' than a 'lover'.
A SOCIOPATH AND A NARCISSIST HAS A CALLOUS DISREGARD - FOR YOU
For most of us breaking up with a sociopath or a narcissist can leave us feeling confused, devastated, and untrusting of all men in the future.
Usually, when a relationship ends both parties grieve some, both parties have regrets and both parties have done things that they feel remorseful for.
But not a narcissist or a antisocial sociopath! He walks away from you with a cold, callous disregard. He feels nothing.
A narcissist will avoid looking at you - even if you are sitting right in front of him. This is his way of dismissing and devaluing you. There is nothing about his actions that are normal, but your mind can't conceive this and so it tries to understand. However, there is no making sense of the 'senseless'.
It is especially hard to let go of a relationship breakdown when you can't find any rhyme or reason to the way it all unfolded. We think that all people are good people and can't understand how someone could so easily just dismiss us as if we never existed.
Truth is, you didn't exist to the sociopath narcissist. He is so totally and completely self-centered to the point of being the only person in his life - ever. You simply were a temporary ego-boost. A narcissist supplier (an enforcer and validator of his self-love). His mirror.
You were taken in by his phony charm simply because you trusted men. And now you are left with doubts, insecurities, questions, and extreme hurt that one you cared for could so easily 'dismiss you' and then walk away completely unmoved and untouched by the experience.
You want him to hurt, too. To show sorrow. To feel remorse.
So that you can feel important again. Like you mattered.
But you didn't. And it has nothing to do with you. He simply is unable to care for anyone other than himself, no matter whom they are. And deep inside you know that you have just wasted years of your life on someone who is an empty fraud. It's like you imagined everything; nothing was real. He was a masterful actor when he was getting his ego fed; but now that he is not getting his narcissistic supply from you anymore he simply - and completely - has totally erased you from his life. It is important to remember that narcissists are 'plotters' and he has been plotting the destruction of the relationship since the very first moment his charming, but fake persona met you.
Expect your world to fall apart whereas his world will remain unscathed - as will his emotions. OOPS, pardon me, I made a mistake! Make that "his 'lack of' emotions". Sociopathic and Narcissistic men haven't any empathy for others, and will never take any direct responsibility for any pain they may have caused. They will never acknowledge their wrongdoings, or apologize to you, because they truly believe themselves to be perfect. They project all their faults and flaws onto you, accusing you of the very things that they, themselves, are guilty of.
"In my relationship I remember him to never EVER say he was sorry (EVER!) - for anything. I was always the one that would go to him, take responsibility and apologize. Yet I do remember a time when I did this and he said 'this is the first time you ever said that you were sorry". WTF? I was always apologizing for stuff that was always his doing - he caused the problems, or rather his sociopathic narcissism did. Did this man ever apologize to me? For anything? NO! The sociopathic narcissist will project everything he does onto you, as to YOU being the one that is doing it onto him. His abuse of you - in his mind - actually becomes your abuse of him! That's how twisted this man's mind is."
In fact, throughout your entire relationship, you probably were lead to believe that you were the problem when in actuality it was their antisocial personality disorder or their narcissism that was at fault. You have subconsciously learned to take his attacks personally, because he is so very good at manipulating the people around him.
Narcissistic and sociopathic men play on the fact that most of us are trusting and forgiving, and that we want to believe in them.
Sociopathic narcissists are all about their image, and they spend an inordinate amount of time perfecting their false front, or their 'image'. He's forever aware of his impression on people, and he knows exactly what 'face' to put on to draw people into his magical circle of followers - all with the intent to enhance his own self-exaltation. He is an expert at even fooling himself into thinking he is larger than life and the more positive the feedback he receives, the more trapped in his mirror he becomes. He would rather have adoration from complete strangers than a deep meaningful relationship with a loving partner. His image is superficial and covers up his complete lack of inner awareness. He is, quite simply, an expert fake, forever on the search for a true acceptance, but never daring enough to show his 'real self' for fear of not receiving it.
The sad thing is, because he feels he is loved for his fake front, he never truly feels loved for his real self, and this just further enables and encourages his narcissism.
The sociopath or narcissistic mate displays many typical psychopathic characteristics. He may have falsely displayed deep emotion toward you (when he was in your good graces). In reality, he was less concerned with you than with making himself look good. In the romance department, a narcissist or a histrionic man has an uncanny ability to gain your trust and affection quickly, disarming you with his charm and captivating you with his many grandiose plans. If he cheats on you you'll probably find forgiveness for him - maybe even blame yourself for his infidelities - but one day when you've had enough, he'll leave you with nothing but the breath-taking epiphany that your whole life with him has been a lie. He'll also, most likely, leave you with an empty pocketbook, too. Of course, by this time he'll already have a new 'sucker' under his wing, and could care less what he has done to you.
Yes, living with, loving and leaving a sociopathic narcissistic man is an experience unlike any other! You are deeply confused and weakened by the abuse. He wants you to pay for his inner pain, and he will do everything in his power to punish you and push you over the brink. Your mind can't rationalize that these men are not 'normal', and it tries to make sense of their behavior.
"I guess what burned me the most was that most people thought he was great and I was horrible for hurting poor, poor him...while they were worshipping him I was left with his chewed-up, spit-out mess. The bills, the kids, the dogs; his narcissistic fallout.
The real life, the responsibilities.
The broken car.
The dead water heater. The clogged drains. The leaking roof.
The bill collectors.
The threatened foreclosures.
He was a free man. Walked away from it all. I was the responsible party who had to mop off his stage when he got through with it. His narcissism turned me from a beautifully spirited and happy woman before I met him into the walking dead afterwards.
MY life was drained out of me after years of confusion by his backstabbing, abuse, lies, and lack of caring. I had circles under my eyes. I was hospitalized for shingles. I had lost 40 lbs and now had legs like a chicken (yep!). My back sagged, my head ached, my chest hurt, and I sometimes needed beer just to get to sleep at night, and even then I would wake up after two or three hours worrying about everything.
I was a mess.
The world was on my back.
The world was at his feet.
He walked away from everything. A true narcissist. Talking himself and charming himself out of every situation, he never believed that he actually had any responsibilities at all. Everything was disposable to him once it lost its narcissistic supply advantages. When he knew his game was up, he so easily convinced himself that they were all my bills, everything was my doing...I stopped his narcissistic supply so this is the price I will now pay (narcissists like to 'punish'). I complained to him once about the entire burden he dumped squarely on my shoulders; he simply said, "Let it go, will ya?" His egotistical narcissistic mind thought I was pining away for him and not merely exhausted from the load he dumped on me. Yet this very same man had the audacity to yell at me when I took him and his vehicle off of my auto insurance coverage plan 12 MONTHS AFTER we broke up. Seriously! No thank you's for keeping him covered for an entire year … just indignant outrage that I had finally stopped!"
NOTE: Here's a picture of the bills EXACTLY as my coward narcissist left them (strategically spread out) for me on our bed when he ran away - off to be the 'Charming Fake' on his new ego-driven mission of destruction ...
"Dear Friend,
Nobody knows better the pain of living with, loving, and leaving a sociopathic narcissist better than I. I have been there and I know, first hand, how it feels to be the guiding shadow of this damaged man. I know about the psychological, verbal, and emotional abuse. I know about the neglect. I know how it feels to never have had him there for you - ever.
I know what it is like to sit there in silence and listen to him talk about himself all day - and all night. I know what it is like to never, ever be acknowledged or put first.
I know what it is like to have him dislike everything about you - from your perfume to the car you drive to your very own friends.
I know what to expect when breaking up with this man. And I know the damage that can be done to the woman that loves him and leaves him.
And I want to share my knowledge with you, so that you may be spared the heartache associated with a breakup in a narcissistic-based relationship.
If you want to read about this man ... and really learn all about everything you have been through, plus get real explanations to why you feel the way you do, then you must read on.
The secrets about him I am about to share with you will reveal the answers to your many questions and bring you to a better place and peace of mind.
Answers like...
why he treats you like 'The Enemy'
what are the histrionic and narcissism disorder signs and how can you recognize them
why any argument with him always leads to him being the 'damaged party ' and you feeling beaten without ever having even opened your mouth
why, even after you have left him, you still hurt instead of feeling good to finally be rid of all the pain caused by his antisocial behavior disorder or by his narcissism
why he hates everything you like - from your music preference and perfume, to your friends and pets
why he disagrees with any of your choices, opinions, or beliefs
how he truly feels about you, and why it matters to you so much
who the Toxic Narcissist is, and how to recognize which type of the Nine Types of Toxic Narcissists your man is (Yes, they are not all alike!)
why Narcissists are rarely faithful, and why it has nothing to do with you
what to expect in and after the breakup
why he has distorted views of you
why he never will be able to take responsibility for anything
how people who know him really feel about him, and why
why you went from his 'partner' to his 'rival' - almost overnight
what the "Three A's" are that motivate the narcissist and how they influenced your relationship with him
how to recover - really recover - from the worst nightmare of your life, loving and leaving a narcissist or sociopath
why he 'demonizes' and 'devalues' you
why, when you are around him, you behave in a manner that is totally unlike your normal, beautiful self
recognizing the symptoms and learning the definitions of Histrionics and Narcissism
how to survive a narcissist
narcissistic personality disorder, traits, and behavior in men
signs and traits of a narcissist relationship and a histrionic relationship
Sounds to good to be true? It's not! You will get the answers you need to finally find some peace in your life ... Something that is probably long over due if you have been with anyone who has narcissism!
"Imagine a pair of binoculars. The narcissist sees his self through the magnified side, and the rest of the world through the small, insignificant side. He is so self-absorbed that people outside of him only have importance as long as they are feeding his blown up self-image. Ironically, he is never ever worshipped or adored anywhere near what he thinks he is.
Most people find this man to be pompous, self-centered, boisterous, conceited, and pretentious. With extreme emphasis on the pretentious part! His fantasies of being the best, smartest, most talented, most loved and most popular are - most assuredly - all in his head. He is a legend in his own mind, and the importance of you last only as long as you haven't discovered the real man inside. Once you have he knows his fake gig (with you) is up and so then are you. He doesn't want to have to face - or even acknowledge his real self - so he will dump you like toxic waste and move on, rabidly seeking a new audience for his displays of grandiosity."
Yes, there is nothing real about this man!
"It can be completely unnerving to see this beautiful public persona become a creature from Hades once alone outside of ear and eye shot of everyone else. His roughshod treatment of you causes many an ugly scene from your play as you act out in self-defense; act crazy from the confusion of loving the fake persona and feeling the rejection and contempt from him.
Or you may simply hold it all inside, becoming quiet and depressed while feeling your self-esteem plummet as you take direct ownership over the mean treatment and comments doled out to you by the narcissist. The inner emotional pain and confusion can only be topped by the blatant way he can control those around him into thinking he is right, wonderful, and 'standing in the light of truth'...nothing could be further from the truth, though, but your untrained eye cannot see this."
The sociopath and the narcissistic ex continually acts in abusive, bewildering and confusing ways. He is not above committing destructive acts. When the breakup becomes a reality, it is likely that his 'false persona' will completely disappear all together and you will most likely experience the most hurtful of behavior from him. He is completely lacking in empathy, and - since he is not receiving any admiration from you anymore - he will dismiss you and discard you as worthless to him, consequently dropping any fake front that he use to put up in order to keep you in the relationship.
"Narcissists become particularly shameless during a divorce. They accuse the other spouse of neglecting the children when the reverse is true. They hide their assets long before the formal divorce proceedings begin. They lie about their net worth so they don't have to part with alimony or child support. Some narcissists, both male and female, abandon their families all together and start new lives with more attractive, adoring and compliant partners. Leaving the previous spouse and children in a state of financial and psychological chaos is of no consequence to them. Many narcissists repeat these egregious patterns of behavior throughout their lives without shame or regret." ~ Linda Martinez-Lewi Ph.D.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
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