Love Quotes: The Wisest, Wittiest . . . and Most Cynical | Psychology Today
Love is for fools wise enough to take a chance. ~ Anonymous
Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving devices the world has ever seen. ~ Anonymous
Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache. ~ Mae West
Love is a many splintered thing. ~ Proverb
Love and eggs are best when they are fresh. ~ Proverb
Love makes the time pass. Time makes love pass. ~ Proverb
Love is like dew that falls on both nettles and lilies. ~ Proverb
Love and relationships are truly one of the most paradoxical aspects of being human. For it is in love
that we find the greatest of strengths and the deepest of sorrows. Love can seem to be so fleeting and unachievable, yet it remains well within our reach if we only learn how to embrace its power. To experience true love, we must be willing to open ourselves up and sacrifice part of our heart and part of our soul. We must be willing to give of ourselves freely, and we must be willing to suffer. It is only when we expose our inner selves to the white hot flame of rejection, that love can burn so brightly as to join to souls, melding the two into one, creating a bond that joins forever. It is from this bond that we draw strength eternal and power everlasting. It is in this thing that we call love that we find the means to achieve greatness, both in ourselves and in our lives. ~ Anonymous
In this world of extremes, we can only love too little. ~ Rich Cannarella
Love is the word used to label the sexual excitement of the young, the habituation of the middle-aged, and the mutual dependence of the old. ~ John Ciardi
Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination. ~ Voltaire
If there is anything better than to be loved it is loving. ~ Anonymous
Love built on beauty, soon as beauty, dies. ~ John Donne
He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals. ~ Benjamin Franklin
I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love. ~ Henry Ward Beecher
We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness, and call it love. ~ Anonymous
No one has ever loved anyone the way everyone wants to be loved. ~ Mignon McLaughlin
The one who loves less controls the relationship. ~ Anonymous
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? ~ Anonymous [frankly, I'm guessing that whoever came up with this one probably pleaded not to be identified!]
True love is when you put someone on a pedestal, and they fall--but you are there to catch them. ~ Anonymous
The woman cries before the wedding, the man after. ~ Proverb
Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, Pain of love lasts a lifetime. ~Jean Pierre Claris De Florian
Love won't be tampered with, love won't go away. Push it to one side and it creeps to the other. ~ Louise Erdrich
There is hardly any activity, any enterprise, which is started out with such tremendous hopes and expectations, and yet which fails so regularly, as love. ~ Erich Fromm
The love we give away is the only love we keep. ~ Elbert Hubbard
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more. ~ Erica Jong
We are not the same person this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person. ~ W. Somerset Maugham
Romantic love is an illusion. Most of us discover this truth at the end of a love affair or else when the sweet emotions of love lead us into marriage and then turn down their flames. ~ Thomas Moore
Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common-sense. ~ Helen Rowland
Falling in love is so hard on the knees. ~ Aerosmith
Love isn't blind, it's retarded. ~ Don Foster & Susan Beavers
Love sought is good, but given unsought, is better. ~ William Shakespeare
There is no remedy for love but to love more. ~ Henry David Thoreau
When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one's self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. ~ Oscar Wilde
In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. ~ Janos Arany
Love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared with love in dreams. ~ Fyodor Dostoevski
You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. ~ Dr Seuss
After another moment's silence, she mumbled that I was peculiar, that that was probably why she loved me but that one day I might disgust her for the very same reason. ~ Albert Camus
The excesses of love soon pass, but its insufficiencies torment us forever. ~ Mignon McLaughlin
Chick Stuff
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
Is your friendship worth keeping?
Is your friendship worth keeping?
rate or flag this pageTweet this
Is your friendship worth keeping?
75An insight into toxic friendships between women
We meet all different types of people throughout our lifetime. Some say these people come into your life for a reason, regardless of a negative or positive influence. As an empathetic person, I’ve had a lot of so called “friendships” which prey on my incessant need to wear my heart on my sleeve and inevitably drain the life out of me. Some of my friendships with other women have been tumultuous, dramatic, and even heartbreaking. It always amazes me how quickly a friend can lose trust they’ve attempted to build for years. If you’ve stumbled upon this article by happenstance, or searched for advice in the quest for the reason why you always attract dramatic and stressful friends- you’ve come to the right place.
The purpose of this article is to share with all of you the knowledge I’ve learned through the years. My advice is only meant for friendships between females; the male-female friendship is a different blog entirely. Unfortunately there are too many people in this world that take advantage of others, and although you may know this person is toxic to your life, you still keep taking their abuse and hoping things will get better. If you have ever asked yourself why you continue a friendship with this person, read carefully and see if she falls into the following categories.
The Tattletale
At some point in your life you meet a girl who seems nice at the surface. She could be pretty, popular, or even extremely outgoing. If you’ve never been backstabbed before, you may even let her know personal things about you that you’ve never told anyone else. Whether your confessions were “in the moment” or just plain temporary insanity; saying “I’ve never told anyone else this” is music to their ears. Nothing is better to a tattletale than knowing something about you that’s extremely embarrassing and using it against you in an argument or announcing it to other friends or even strangers. If you’re smart, you’ll realize that you can never tell her something so personal again and disconnect all ties with “the tattletale.” Unfortunately, more often than not you become friends again even if no apology is given.
The tattletale is particularly dangerous because if she’s turned her back on you once she’s most likely to do it again. If you have a tattletale friend and you chose to keep your friendship, be advised that you can never fully open up to her and show her who you really are. Most importantly, DON’T LET HER KNOW ANYTHING PERSONAL that can be used against you.
The Gossiper
Like the Tattletale, the gossiper also can take you by surprise. Ever have a friend that loves to tell you dirt on other people? Sure, you might secretly enjoy it, but have you ever thought about what she tells other people about you? Have you ever been shocked when you heard what was said about you- most often falsified, outlandish or completely exaggerated? Let me warn you, you do NOT in ANY way need this particular type of friend. You will be unable to trust her, or even feel that you can vent your frustrations in confidence. The Gossiper THRIVES on information, and loves to know the “dirt” or “juice” on other people. These girls LIVE for this information. If you want to keep your friendship with her, make absolute sure that you never comment when she is talking about someone else. More often than not, the she said she said rumors get started, and once the gossiper starts she will never stop or admit her mistakes and false statements.
The Fair-weather Friend
A Fair-weather Friend is someone who is only around when she’s not in a relationship. Once she meets a man, she’ll stop taking your calls and avoid making any plans. Most often, you will hear from them again when they have relationship problems or have broken up with their boyfriend. Fair-weather friends are commonly around during high school years, but some women never grow out of this habit. As we get older, we get less and less tolerant of this immature behavior and begin to expect this pattern from your Fair-weather friend. In this case, it’s truly up to you whether or not this person is worth continuing a friendship with.
The Mooch
The Mooch is someone who only uses you for what she deems necessary. This can range from borrowing money, clothes or other possessions, to using you for a ride or picking her up after she tells you a sob story. We all have had a few of these types of “friends”, and inevitably they will drain the life out of you. The Mooch will not commonly ask you directly for things, but she will allude to the fact she needs money to buy clothes or food, or that she’s stuck somewhere “dangerous” and can’t get a ride home. DO NOT EVER fall for this girl’s BS. DO NOT EVER loan her money. My father once told me “Never loan anyone more than $20, no matter how well you know them.” I have found this advice to be true, and wish to this day I had listened to him at a younger age.
If you “loan” her money, NEVER expect to get it back. Knowing this of course means that you can’t get upset if she decides to spend the money she does get on her own for her hair, nails, drug of choice, or other frivolous things. If you loan her any of your possessions, don’t expect to get them back. If she does return them, they will either not be in the same condition or she will put up a fight and practically make you stalk her to get it back. STAY FAR AWAY FROM THE MOOCH!! Nothing good can ever come from a friendship with this type of person. You will end up resenting yourself for putting up with her crap for so long!
The One-Way Friendship
The One-Way Friendship is a variation of The Mooch and an easy one to define. Frankly stated, you are her friend but she is not your friend. Have you ever been woken up in the middle of the night to your friend crying her eyes out saying “I need to talk to you” and you listened no matter what was planned the next day (not that she asks you of course)? She will interrupt you at any time of the day or night with some type of crisis, completely oblivious to your life. You listen intently to try and give the best advice possible knowing that she most likely won’t listen to you anyway, yet when you try and call her about a problem you’re having she’s “too busy” or “distracted” or “will call you back later”?
If you chose to remain friends with this person, understand that she is not the person you can turn to when you have a problem. She is so concerned about herself and her life that she knows practically nothing about you. When you try to open up about yourself, she turns the conversation to herself and instead of helping she’s more concerned about her own life. This type of friendship forces you to lose a lot of sleep and gain even more frustration. However, the best part about a One-Way Friendship is that since she knows practically nothing about you, there is nothing she can use against you.
The Drama Queen
The type of friendship requires very little explanation. This girl needs to be the center of attention ALL the time, even at other people’s birthday parties or special events. Much like the One-Way Friendship, the Drama Queen will turn every single day into some dramatic extravagant crisis. She will frequently get in arguments with random people, and even start arguments with you which blow up to an insanely dramatic climax and extremely unpleasant downfall. The Drama Queen will make absolutely everything about her, and will make it clear that if you do not give her the proper attention she will do something, anything, to get your attention and the attention of others.
Some people think we need a little drama in our lives. If you chose to stay friends with The Drama Queen, stay out of her way, give her the attention she needs, and accept her the way she is. There is nothing you can do to change her ways; just don’t get caught up in her drama- it will only lead to a bad ending.
So… do you really have a good friendship?
If you have read through this article and find you’re surrounded by these types of friendships, reevaluate who you’re hanging out with and decide once and for all if they’re worth your time and effort. Several times in my life I’ve had “friends” who have caused me so much heartache and pain that it was difficult to trust ANYONE else. These girls didn’t hesitate to stab me in the back for personal gain, and moved on with their lives like nothing happened so they could destroy someone else’s life.
The type of friendship worth keeping relies on mutual trust and understanding. You need someone who listens to your concerns and you listen to theirs. Hanging out together is fun instead of dramatic and overwhelming. True friends treat you with the same respect you treat them, and you shouldn’t be giving out more of yourself than she is. A true friend knows and respects who you are as a person, and even if they live in another state, no matter how much time goes by you can pick up where you left off.
But the question still remains…
Why do I attract these types of people to my life?
For me, the answer is simple. I’m a stay at home mom with few friends from my school years. The friends I do have, I have put up with more of their crap than necessary. Simply put, I thought I would rather have some friends than none at all. That’s when I came to the realization that I prefer to be alone than have to deal with all the ridiculous drama and unnecessary situations these girls put me through.
Just because you surround yourself with these types of people does not mean you’re a loser or an idiot. Unfortunately, when someone sees it’s easy to take advantage of someone else then they often will. For example, have you ever found yourself constantly giving a friend money because they complain incessantly about being hungry, not having clothes, etc… but never once do they offer to buy you so much as a coffee? You give in to her whining and complaining just like she knows you will, and finally it gets to the point where you don’t expect any reciprocation. DO NOT DO THIS TO YOURSELF!! You are too good of a person to put yourself through all of this BS. If you find yourself thinning out your friends fairly quickly, please remember there are other ways to meet people. I have met some of my good friends online through blog writing, moms groups and even facebook games. They are from all over the world with different perspectives and even though they are not physically someone to hang out with, each and every one of them is someone I can turn to for advice.
Bottom line girls, take a good look at the types of people that are around you and use this guide to help. If you do not want to cut ties for fear of losing friends, then just remember to keep your distance from telling her your personal problems.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
GUYS THAT WILL SUCK and make your Life Miserable - STEER CLEAR OF THESE GUYS ("men")
AVOID THESE TYPES OF GUYS (Men - some never grow up, so "man" is a loose term - you know
that's why you're reading this)
• The guy can't look you in the eyes. He's full of Lies.
• The guy who doesn't come to your door or pick you up for dates. He waits. Or expects you to drive and meet him out. A dolt with no manners, and not worth your time.
• A guy expecting you to split the tab or pay the whole thing. Total parasite, cheap skate, selfish, and everything you'll be disgusted by every time you go out. Drop him.
• A man who starts borrowing money .. Wait, quit him before he starts. Buh Bye.
• A man who tells you lies, white lies, little lies, half truths and "stories" that don't add up. Also, omissions of truth, or pertinent information.
• A man who stares at other women in your company, flirts with them or has the cheek to take someone else’s number while out with you (he’s a lout, get rid of him yesterday already!) DUH, hopefully that turns you off. If it doesn't, you've got serious self worth issues, and the next guy is bound to be one of these ya need to toss to the ditch as well.
• A man who has shaky boundaries and who doesn’t respect yours (he will want enmeshment and will only suffocate you)
• A man who expects you to fight his battles for him or cover for him when he messes up (he has no balls, which means he’ll never be able to protect you) They're usually the ones who talk it up .. "I'll do anything for you baby". "I'm here for you always" "You are safe with me, I'll protect you" ... talk is cheap, actions, not words. Don't tell me, show me, otherwise beat feet the other way.
• A man who drinks excessively or whose behavior changes when he consumes alcohol (watch out, alcoholic!!!)
A man who thinks Beavis and Butthead are funny enough to imitate when y'all are out and among your friends or family...
• A man who seems to be hiding things from you or seems cagey when you question him about certain things (not to be trusted)
• A man who doesn’t appear to have strong family ties or doesn’t feel that family should be important (loose cannon only looking for casual sex, parties and a good time)
• A man who dislikes children (if you are thinking of having a family) Or pretends to like them but when around them, dismisses or shows intolerance of their presence.
• A man who is overbearing or threatened by your strength, opinions or career (he will try to cut you down whenever he feels threatened) Or your personality, looks, brains, whatever it is, if he is threatened by it, or diminishes those things, belittles, invalidates, takes away from those great things you have to offer----GET OUT -- He WILL be increasingly abusive, and you will be in a toxic wasteland, not a relationship.
• A man who is threatened by your passions & ideals (he’ll try to suppress you) Same as above, RUN, get out and don't look back. He is toxic. You will be infected and constantly fighting the poison he spews into your landfill of a "relationship"
• A man who discourages you from seeing your family or friends (insecure lout, run a mile!)
• A man who is threatened by your friendships or ex’s (insecure lout, keep running!)
• An unemployed man or a man with financial problems (he may end up expecting you to pay for everything)
• A man who cannot stand up for himself (he may expect you to fight his battles for him)
The "nice guy" syndrome. You get to hear the whining and smack talk, but see him buckle and bend in front of those he can't say no or stand up to. ( mothers, sisters, ex-wives, friends, clients, kids etc.)
• A divorced man who doesn’t pay child-support to his ex or doesn’t see his children regularly (doh, need I say more???)
• An unhygienic man with bad breath or bad body odour (you’ll have mother him)
• A man who doesn’t return your calls but waits a week or two to call you back (you’re on his “good time only” list)
• A man who talks about himself and doesn’t bother to ask questions about you, your family or your interests (egotistical)
• Any man you suspect of abusing any substances (run a mile)
• A recovering addict or alcoholic (they should avoid all forms of romantic relationships for at least the first year of their sobriety) Make that 2 or 3 years. IF at all. Some can finally drop the substance, but not the "thinking problem" they had with it. "Dry drunks" are worse than the ones who finally drink themselves out cold.
• A man who is too attached to his mother (you’ll be trying to cut the umbilical cord for the rest of the relationship!) We always think a guy who loves his mom is a good thing, it is, but there's a difference. Being a good son with respect for and a high regard for his mom is cool. If they talk EVERY day, socialize more than for just special occasions and holidays, or tells her everything like you tell your best friend, GET OUT. She will always undermine you, and you will always be second to her. Yes, it's creepy, but it doesn't seem that way until you're close and in the relationship, and then you'll wish you got in with the Addams Family.. Less creepy.
• A man who hates his mother (all his mommy issues will be targeted at you!)
Overtly or passive aggressively. Hopefully you've learned how to detect passive aggressive personalities--- Whether men or women, you'll know that these people in any type of relationship are toxic to the energy of the universe. Call Hazmat and steer clear.
( Would you rather be slapped in the face, or stabbed in the back.) Right, you don't want either, but you are guaranteed a knife in your back, so turn around and stay away, period.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
The Constant Fear Is Not Our Fault
18 January 2011
Are you always scared of getting into trouble?
Do you live in constant fear of others being angry or cross with you? Are you scared to stand up for yourself for fear of bringing others' wrath down upon you?
Dear Fellow DoNM, (Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers)
It totally sucks, doesn't it?
Constantly having a fear of getting into trouble and having others cross or angry with you ... living in terror of standing up for yourself in case others disapprove of you ... always living with the danger of others' attacks r(or the fear of them at least).
Does this resonate with you?
If so, you need to know that it's NOT your fault. It isn't a flaw or weakness in you. It's just that she trained you so well, from birth, to be scared, and your body and mind have learned that anger and attack can come from any direction at any time. The fear is an automatic reaction now.
The good news is that it doesn't have to continue to be this way!
In fact, this might be the important information you've ever read, because I'm about to share with you a secret way of literally erasing this fear of getting into trouble from your body and mind.
Imagine what it would be like to:
1. No longer have any fear of getting into trouble.
2. Be able to be calm if others are angry with you
3. Be very centred and calm when you speak your truth.
4. No longer have to worry about others' reactions to you.
It would be wonderful, wouldn't it! Imagine the sheer bliss of it.
Well you don't just have to imagine it. You can live it. Read on to find out how.
So what is this secret which can free you from this fear of gettinginto trouble?
The solution is EFT, also called Tapping. It involves nothing more complex than tapping gently on acupuncture points, and it literally erases negative emotions such as the hurt and pain you're experiencing.
And it does that amazingly quickly and easily. Just zaps the hurt and pain into oblivion. It's hard to describe it until you've experienced it - the negative emotions just fade away till they're completely and utterly gone! Vanished, eradicated and non-existent.
What EFT is NOT:
It is NOT talk-therapy. Although there is usually an element of talking, it is really body-work with a talking element, rather than just talking.
It is NOT hypnosis. Although you might find it relaxing, you do not go into any kind of hypnotic trance.
It is NOT faith-healing. You absolutely do not have to believe it for it to work. You can be as sceptical as you like.
It is NOT in any way religious. There is no belief system whatsoever needed.
How EFT is different from traditional counselling:
It makes changes at a much deeper level. Did you ever know something rationally, but not know it deep down? With EFT you experience the acceptance and peace deep down, in your gut and heart and soul, not just as an abstract theory.
It's much, much quicker. Changes that used to take months of therapy can now happen in tens of minutes, or hours at most.
It's much gentler - you can even heal your issue without talking or even thinking about it - you just give it a title or label, and work on that until it's easy to think/talk about.
It's much cheaper: as it's so much quicker, it costs so much less.
Quite frankly, EFT makes traditional counselling obsolete. Why just talk about it when you can heal it?
I came to EFT when I was trying to heal what I now know is the DONM legacy, and I was blown away by the results. It changed my life, literally. I erased issue after issue after issue (traumas, addictions, phobias, limiting beliefs and other blocks), and life just kept getting better and better in terms of better health, better relationships and more joy and contentment in my life. (And I am still using EFT every day, and improving my life every day.)
I then trained as an EFT practitioner - because I knew this was too good to keep to myself, and have helped hundreds of clients over the past seven years to erase phobias, traumas, anxiety and a myriad of other issues. You can see some of the non-DONM feedback here.
As soon as I realised about the unique crazy-making upbringing we DONMs have, I knew that EFT could powerfully resolve these issues quickly and easily. This is why I share, on this site, a video on how to do EFT so you can use it for yourself. The resource is very real and very good, but the challenge is that usually people find it very difficult to know what to say as they tap. And so I have come up with a solution I'm very excited about:
I have created a script in which I guide you
as you tap on this fear of getting into trouble and gently erase it.
This script is very carefully crafted, using my many years of EFT experience combined with my lifetime of DONM experience, to give you a resource which will quite simply erase this fear.
This resourse is unique in the world - created by a DONM for DONMs, addressing the unique issues our crazy upbringing has given us.
Here some comments from DONM forum members who have benefited from their experiences with EFT:
Eating Healthily!
Just checked my food diary and was amazed to see that I didn't eat anything for 2 hours after tapping [The 'Self-Harm' video] - wow! And what I did eat was a cheese and tomato croissant followed 2½ hours later by some mushroom soup.
So I'm seeing results already!
As the results of my neglect [i.e. her business sabotage] became clear today, I had the urge to commit more neglect. I found myself reaching for the mouse to [waste time on the internet] and I checked a couple of news sites about four times. I decided if I was going to do something other than work than it would be EFT. So, I did the self-harm session and then the healing resistance video. While I still felt really disappointed, I got back to work.
Forum Member 'Christine'
The most productive day yet since doing the Tapping!
I think today was probably the most productive day since the beginning of EFT. I did the healing resistance first today and then the self-harm sessions. The huge difference is that [the fallout from her business neglect] would have been proof of my “incompetence” two weeks ago. Today it was “what can I do to mitigate the fallout.”
Forum Member 'Christine'
Used EFT to avoid displacement activities and do the work!
Well, the marketing email is done and queued up to go out at 9:00 am. I stopped in the middle of the process and did and EFT session on hiding. I just wanted to go to the dog park or do something else completely. I had plenty of opportunities to run away so I thought a good session in the middle of it all would help. I think it did. I got some writing done as well.
Forum Member 'Christine', who had been sabotaging by not doing her marketing.)
A superb script!
The script is absolutely ideal for this self-harm/DoNM stuff! It's specific enough to target this particular phenomenon, but broad enough for each person to apply to her own particular penchant for self-harm/neglect/punishment. A superb job, Danu; thank you so much!
Forum Member 'Alex'
This is done in the form of a diary entry by forum member 'Reader'.
Got taken on by an agency after Tapping!
EFT for five days in a row
Feel confident enough to finally apply to a professional talent agency
Get signed with an agency within the hour
Have a complete DoNM-style FREAK OUT that I suck at everything and who the hell do I think I am signing with an agent?
Make the conscious choice to ignore the inner demons and go back to EFT
A few days of calm
Sign up for multiple auditions and become absolutely shameless about self promotion
Have another major FREAK OUT and think I suck at everything
More EFT
I'm currently in a calm place where I still hear the inner voices telling me I suck, but I am making the conscious choice to tap-tap-tap when I feel that anxiety and proceed anyway.
I've also been writing like mad and have plans to push my writing to a literary agency. Feeling major anxiety around that, too, but screw it. Back to EFT. Gonna do it. Life is short.
So this is amazing stuff.
Forum Member 'Reader'
I have practiced EFT for over seven years, TFT for four years and cognitive therapy for almost thirty. Both of my parents are card-carrying narcissists and I bore the brunt of this madness and my mother, especially, was diabolical. What I realized is that no one directly deals with the feelings that any child of a narcissist has because few understand it. So when I used EFT myself I got close but never was able to address the issues that you cover because even I didn't understand what I was feeling.
I have the manuals but I prefer to watch you on the video because you are such a comforting presence, I don't have to feel alone and you have such a beautiful voice.
The first video I tapped along to ("Self-Punishment") I felt so good- and then suddenly craved a box of See's candy. I was shocked because I used to have a severe craving for See's that I had dealt with before and hadn't eaten in years. However, sitting and tapping through the feelings, the craving went away completely- and I knew I was on the right track. At first, I thought that the "Self-Punishment" video wasn't about me because my (and probably others') issues have long been ignored or misidentified - yet it was! I have been punishing myself all of my life through overeating, self-denial, self-sabotage, you name it. Tears came up while I was tapping but they were cleansing because I was, at last, hearing the truth.
I've only had three of your videos ("I Never Belong", "Self-Punishment", "Not Safe to Heal") as well as all of the PDF's. I repeat the "7 Words" all the time and I find them quite comforting to say. I especially like the fact that you've included the positive "Choices" in your videos because I need to know where to go next. I find myself ending the session with a smile.
When I used them the first day, I couldn't believe your words- they felt too foreign even after all of this therapy. However, five days later, I'm nodding my head in agreement as I do my tapping. Interestingly, I have had a much easier time creating healthier boundaries and making healing choices, which is something I wouldn't have expected. Hearing the truth in a non-combative manner, from someone who finally understands me, is like a balm to my heart, mind and soul.
I know through using EFT for so long that specificity is crucial. Yet, I found myself "dancing" around the issue of narcissism because I had never identified it- and nor had anyone else. I have thousands of pages downloaded from Gary Craig's [EFT's founder] original site, not to mention the hundreds of dollars I've wasted on EFT practitioners. The "elephant in the living room" was always missing, so while I found some success I was always just "missing the mark". When I watched your first video, many feelings came up, but mainly recognition. I nodded my head and smiled through the tears as I tapped and thought, "Somebody finally understands me!". My inner child has longed to hear the words that you use in the videos all of my life and I find repeated listening extremely calming and reassuring.
I know that you had worked hard on the wording because I recognize the various techniques that you use. The "art of delivery" comes in- not with the techniques- but the application of them. Most beginners of EFT get stuck with "What do I say?" and you resolve that here beautifully.
So, thank you and I will be eager to buy more!
This is a long message (sorry). But in one week, I am sleeping so much better. I am eating like a "normie" which I haven't done since childhood. And I am finally back in my own body. These are true miracles to me- and I haven't been in therapy in weeks!
Each session seems to bring me closer to my subconscious and has more meaning every time. I do it once a day as I find it quite intense. I'm starting to insert my own words while following the videos. My old unbidden thought patterns, “I have never done anything right, I do not deserve to be happy, I am worthless etc. etc.” are now being countered by other thoughts, “I am a human equal to all humans and have only done my best, I deserve to be happy, I have done good things in my life etc etc.” I am taking better care of myself after about a week or so. I feel that just taking a step towards improving self care is a positive thing.
Maybe after the 30 days Danu says is a must, I'll be able to alter the tapping more to my specific issues, but for now, the videos are really helping. So much easier than dragging up awful buried memories, painfully dissecting them, coming to terms and moving on! Weeks instead of years. Awesome!
Forum Member 'Survivor'
Are you always scared of getting into trouble?
Do you live in constant fear of others being angry or cross with you? Are you scared to stand up for yourself for fear of bringing others' wrath down upon you?
Dear Fellow DoNM, (Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers)
It totally sucks, doesn't it?
Constantly having a fear of getting into trouble and having others cross or angry with you ... living in terror of standing up for yourself in case others disapprove of you ... always living with the danger of others' attacks r(or the fear of them at least).
Does this resonate with you?
If so, you need to know that it's NOT your fault. It isn't a flaw or weakness in you. It's just that she trained you so well, from birth, to be scared, and your body and mind have learned that anger and attack can come from any direction at any time. The fear is an automatic reaction now.
The good news is that it doesn't have to continue to be this way!
In fact, this might be the important information you've ever read, because I'm about to share with you a secret way of literally erasing this fear of getting into trouble from your body and mind.
Imagine what it would be like to:
1. No longer have any fear of getting into trouble.
2. Be able to be calm if others are angry with you
3. Be very centred and calm when you speak your truth.
4. No longer have to worry about others' reactions to you.
It would be wonderful, wouldn't it! Imagine the sheer bliss of it.
Well you don't just have to imagine it. You can live it. Read on to find out how.
So what is this secret which can free you from this fear of gettinginto trouble?
The solution is EFT, also called Tapping. It involves nothing more complex than tapping gently on acupuncture points, and it literally erases negative emotions such as the hurt and pain you're experiencing.
And it does that amazingly quickly and easily. Just zaps the hurt and pain into oblivion. It's hard to describe it until you've experienced it - the negative emotions just fade away till they're completely and utterly gone! Vanished, eradicated and non-existent.
What EFT is NOT:
It is NOT talk-therapy. Although there is usually an element of talking, it is really body-work with a talking element, rather than just talking.
It is NOT hypnosis. Although you might find it relaxing, you do not go into any kind of hypnotic trance.
It is NOT faith-healing. You absolutely do not have to believe it for it to work. You can be as sceptical as you like.
It is NOT in any way religious. There is no belief system whatsoever needed.
How EFT is different from traditional counselling:
It makes changes at a much deeper level. Did you ever know something rationally, but not know it deep down? With EFT you experience the acceptance and peace deep down, in your gut and heart and soul, not just as an abstract theory.
It's much, much quicker. Changes that used to take months of therapy can now happen in tens of minutes, or hours at most.
It's much gentler - you can even heal your issue without talking or even thinking about it - you just give it a title or label, and work on that until it's easy to think/talk about.
It's much cheaper: as it's so much quicker, it costs so much less.
Quite frankly, EFT makes traditional counselling obsolete. Why just talk about it when you can heal it?
I came to EFT when I was trying to heal what I now know is the DONM legacy, and I was blown away by the results. It changed my life, literally. I erased issue after issue after issue (traumas, addictions, phobias, limiting beliefs and other blocks), and life just kept getting better and better in terms of better health, better relationships and more joy and contentment in my life. (And I am still using EFT every day, and improving my life every day.)
I then trained as an EFT practitioner - because I knew this was too good to keep to myself, and have helped hundreds of clients over the past seven years to erase phobias, traumas, anxiety and a myriad of other issues. You can see some of the non-DONM feedback here.
As soon as I realised about the unique crazy-making upbringing we DONMs have, I knew that EFT could powerfully resolve these issues quickly and easily. This is why I share, on this site, a video on how to do EFT so you can use it for yourself. The resource is very real and very good, but the challenge is that usually people find it very difficult to know what to say as they tap. And so I have come up with a solution I'm very excited about:
I have created a script in which I guide you
as you tap on this fear of getting into trouble and gently erase it.
This script is very carefully crafted, using my many years of EFT experience combined with my lifetime of DONM experience, to give you a resource which will quite simply erase this fear.
This resourse is unique in the world - created by a DONM for DONMs, addressing the unique issues our crazy upbringing has given us.
Here some comments from DONM forum members who have benefited from their experiences with EFT:
Eating Healthily!
Just checked my food diary and was amazed to see that I didn't eat anything for 2 hours after tapping [The 'Self-Harm' video] - wow! And what I did eat was a cheese and tomato croissant followed 2½ hours later by some mushroom soup.
So I'm seeing results already!
As the results of my neglect [i.e. her business sabotage] became clear today, I had the urge to commit more neglect. I found myself reaching for the mouse to [waste time on the internet] and I checked a couple of news sites about four times. I decided if I was going to do something other than work than it would be EFT. So, I did the self-harm session and then the healing resistance video. While I still felt really disappointed, I got back to work.
Forum Member 'Christine'
The most productive day yet since doing the Tapping!
I think today was probably the most productive day since the beginning of EFT. I did the healing resistance first today and then the self-harm sessions. The huge difference is that [the fallout from her business neglect] would have been proof of my “incompetence” two weeks ago. Today it was “what can I do to mitigate the fallout.”
Forum Member 'Christine'
Used EFT to avoid displacement activities and do the work!
Well, the marketing email is done and queued up to go out at 9:00 am. I stopped in the middle of the process and did and EFT session on hiding. I just wanted to go to the dog park or do something else completely. I had plenty of opportunities to run away so I thought a good session in the middle of it all would help. I think it did. I got some writing done as well.
Forum Member 'Christine', who had been sabotaging by not doing her marketing.)
A superb script!
The script is absolutely ideal for this self-harm/DoNM stuff! It's specific enough to target this particular phenomenon, but broad enough for each person to apply to her own particular penchant for self-harm/neglect/punishment. A superb job, Danu; thank you so much!
Forum Member 'Alex'
This is done in the form of a diary entry by forum member 'Reader'.
Got taken on by an agency after Tapping!
EFT for five days in a row
Feel confident enough to finally apply to a professional talent agency
Get signed with an agency within the hour
Have a complete DoNM-style FREAK OUT that I suck at everything and who the hell do I think I am signing with an agent?
Make the conscious choice to ignore the inner demons and go back to EFT
A few days of calm
Sign up for multiple auditions and become absolutely shameless about self promotion
Have another major FREAK OUT and think I suck at everything
More EFT
I'm currently in a calm place where I still hear the inner voices telling me I suck, but I am making the conscious choice to tap-tap-tap when I feel that anxiety and proceed anyway.
I've also been writing like mad and have plans to push my writing to a literary agency. Feeling major anxiety around that, too, but screw it. Back to EFT. Gonna do it. Life is short.
So this is amazing stuff.
Forum Member 'Reader'
I have practiced EFT for over seven years, TFT for four years and cognitive therapy for almost thirty. Both of my parents are card-carrying narcissists and I bore the brunt of this madness and my mother, especially, was diabolical. What I realized is that no one directly deals with the feelings that any child of a narcissist has because few understand it. So when I used EFT myself I got close but never was able to address the issues that you cover because even I didn't understand what I was feeling.
I have the manuals but I prefer to watch you on the video because you are such a comforting presence, I don't have to feel alone and you have such a beautiful voice.
The first video I tapped along to ("Self-Punishment") I felt so good- and then suddenly craved a box of See's candy. I was shocked because I used to have a severe craving for See's that I had dealt with before and hadn't eaten in years. However, sitting and tapping through the feelings, the craving went away completely- and I knew I was on the right track. At first, I thought that the "Self-Punishment" video wasn't about me because my (and probably others') issues have long been ignored or misidentified - yet it was! I have been punishing myself all of my life through overeating, self-denial, self-sabotage, you name it. Tears came up while I was tapping but they were cleansing because I was, at last, hearing the truth.
I've only had three of your videos ("I Never Belong", "Self-Punishment", "Not Safe to Heal") as well as all of the PDF's. I repeat the "7 Words" all the time and I find them quite comforting to say. I especially like the fact that you've included the positive "Choices" in your videos because I need to know where to go next. I find myself ending the session with a smile.
When I used them the first day, I couldn't believe your words- they felt too foreign even after all of this therapy. However, five days later, I'm nodding my head in agreement as I do my tapping. Interestingly, I have had a much easier time creating healthier boundaries and making healing choices, which is something I wouldn't have expected. Hearing the truth in a non-combative manner, from someone who finally understands me, is like a balm to my heart, mind and soul.
I know through using EFT for so long that specificity is crucial. Yet, I found myself "dancing" around the issue of narcissism because I had never identified it- and nor had anyone else. I have thousands of pages downloaded from Gary Craig's [EFT's founder] original site, not to mention the hundreds of dollars I've wasted on EFT practitioners. The "elephant in the living room" was always missing, so while I found some success I was always just "missing the mark". When I watched your first video, many feelings came up, but mainly recognition. I nodded my head and smiled through the tears as I tapped and thought, "Somebody finally understands me!". My inner child has longed to hear the words that you use in the videos all of my life and I find repeated listening extremely calming and reassuring.
I know that you had worked hard on the wording because I recognize the various techniques that you use. The "art of delivery" comes in- not with the techniques- but the application of them. Most beginners of EFT get stuck with "What do I say?" and you resolve that here beautifully.
So, thank you and I will be eager to buy more!
This is a long message (sorry). But in one week, I am sleeping so much better. I am eating like a "normie" which I haven't done since childhood. And I am finally back in my own body. These are true miracles to me- and I haven't been in therapy in weeks!
Each session seems to bring me closer to my subconscious and has more meaning every time. I do it once a day as I find it quite intense. I'm starting to insert my own words while following the videos. My old unbidden thought patterns, “I have never done anything right, I do not deserve to be happy, I am worthless etc. etc.” are now being countered by other thoughts, “I am a human equal to all humans and have only done my best, I deserve to be happy, I have done good things in my life etc etc.” I am taking better care of myself after about a week or so. I feel that just taking a step towards improving self care is a positive thing.
Maybe after the 30 days Danu says is a must, I'll be able to alter the tapping more to my specific issues, but for now, the videos are really helping. So much easier than dragging up awful buried memories, painfully dissecting them, coming to terms and moving on! Weeks instead of years. Awesome!
Forum Member 'Survivor'
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)